Raised Expectations

There is a simple rule on the internet – and that is you do not feed the Trolls. Trolls being the people who write something in order to start an argument. You know, the sort of people who say that Hitler was an alright sort of bloke in a holocaust support forum.

But… but… The article in the Daily Mail yesterday by ‘Liz Jones – professional troll’ was beyond the pale. It was truly epic in the way it combined unreasonably high expectations, a complete misunderstanding of the NHS, a lack of medical knowledge and inflated sense of self worth.

I’m not going to link to the original story because I don’t want to send visitors to the rag that is the Daily Mail.

Here is the thing – I often deal with unreasonable expectations from the patients that I see, often these expectations are because the patient doesn’t understand what an urgent care centre can provide – and yet with all the people I see who have these expectations, none have pissed me off as much as this article from a fashion writer. Largely because once I explain that the Urgent Care Centre can’t order them an MRI scan they seem to understand a lot better than this supposedly highly educated columnist.

I don’t scrape and scrabble at the coal face of the NHS very often. I was born, I suppose.

Congratulations on not having a long term medical condition.

I have a private GP, gynaecol­ogist, two therapists and a dentist, who charges £900 for a root-canal filling. I don’t drink, smoke or overeat. I don’t have children. I exercise every single day. I’ve been a vegetarian since the age of 11.

And the reason for all this private stuff is…? So you don’t have to mix with the proles? So the GP surgery has nice pictures on the walls? No – I’m sure that the reason you are private is so that you do not place a strain on the NHS. And two therapists?

Let us just say that, so far, I have not been a burden. But, on Friday morning, I found I needed the NHS for the first time in about 20 years, and it let me down. Very badly.

You needed the NHS? I hope you are alright – did you fall off your bike breaking your arm? Heart attack? Stroke?

I am catching a flight to the Horn of Africa tomorrow, to cover the famine in Somalia. In order to obtain a visa, I am required to be inoculated against hepatitis A and B, yellow fever, typhoid, diphtheria, tetanus, polio and so on. On Thursday, I called my GP, a private GP, in London’s Sloane Street.

Oh. Immunisations on a short notice.

‘Yes, Miss Jones, come in any time.’ And so I did. But my doctor could only give me the ‘live’ vaccine, yellow fever; the other jabs would have to be done the following day. The next morning, back home in Somerset, I called my local GP or ‘health centre’.

So the GP you pay lots of money for could only give you one set of injections – I assume that they explained why. And why is ‘health centre’ in quotes? Is it because you work for a ‘paper’.

‘Hello!’ I said cheerily. ‘I am not registered with you, but I live two miles away. I wonder if you could possibly squeeze me in today to complete my jabs for travelling to Africa, and fill in my malaria prescription, as I need to start taking the tablets on Sunday.’

‘Hello, you don’t know me from Adam – normally one pays for these things, so I was wondering if you could see me without doing any of those oh-so tiresome health checks that you have to do when you register with a GP, and then ignore any appointment system you have so I can jump the queue of people with chronic conditions that can’t pay for a private GP. Because – you know – it’s important to me, and so should be important for you’.

‘You are not registered?!’ the woman said, clearly appalled I had made her pick up the phone. ‘We can’t see you then. And we can’t fill out a prescription that hasn’t been written up by us.’

‘But I will pay for the jabs, it only takes a couple of minutes.’

Appalling – Tell you what – why don’t I phone you up and ask you to discuss this story more fully – I don’t need an appointment do I? I’m sure you can put off someone else in order to talk to me. I’ll give you a fiver.

‘But the nurse is fully booked. She can’t do it. I don’t even know if we have the drugs.’

‘Can you find out?’

‘Well, no. I’d have to ask her. And she can’t fit you in.’

Oh goodness – loads of people who can’t afford to go private need medical care – how dare they, can’t they all just die.

‘But this is an emergency. I have never bothered you before in the three years I have lived here. Not with a snotty-nosed kid, not with depression, nothing. Never!’

Yes. an ’emergency’. It’s an emergency because you need some vaccinations that you doubtless had plenty of time to get.

Here is a hint.

A heart attack is an emergency. A stroke is an emergency. Being stabbed is an emergency. Needing vaccinations is not a bloody emergency.

I also find your linking together of ‘snotty nosed kid’ and ‘depression’ a red flag that you know very little about health at all.

‘But we don’t have your notes.’

‘You don’t need my notes. Lots of people go to walk-in centres. You could telephone my doctor if you’re worried about anything.’

I work in a walk in centre – we don’t give vaccinations because (a) we are not funded to do so, so we don’t have the drugs and, (b) we don’t have your medical notes which are, despite what you think, rather important.

‘I don’t have time to do that. Why don’t you go to A&E if it’s an emergency?’

‘I’m sure they wouldn’t classify a routine jab as an emergency. I mean, it’s a global crisis. Millions of people are dying and you won’t put yourself out to allow me to be seen by a nurse, not even a doctor, for five minutes?’


Hold up – I thought you said it was an emergency? And yes, the famine is a global crisis, which is why you need to fly out and cover it with opinion pieces like this? Something starting out with not getting a business class seat on the way out there I suppose.

Here is a hint – you are a journalist, not an aid worker, not with Médecins Sans Frontières. You aren’t going to be saving lives by getting out there immediately. This. Is. Not. An. Emergency.

Last week, the boss of the care company Castlebeck, whose Winterbourne View care home in Bristol was exposed by Panorama for practising routine abuse, used the defence that the home was understaffed, and that the employees needed more training.

Of course that is part of the problem, but it doesn’t explain all of it. I don’t need to be trained to know that it is wrong to slap someone, or ridicule them, or pin them down, or deny them privacy and respect. That is called being a human being. You should not need to be trained to do that.

I always wonder why people who don’t like people go into the caring professions. The problems in the health service and in privately-run homes are not always to do with money. Attitude is often the issue.

So now you confuse criminal abuse with you not being able to jump a queue with a surgery you have not seen fit to register with for a complete non-emergency.

That’s like saying every journalist is guilty of phone-hacking. So – Grrrr. Liz Jones – I hate you because you hacked the phone of Milly Dowler’s relatives.

Andrew Lansley, the Health Secretary, said last week that NHS managers were abusing the system, forcing patients to wait so they either die or go private. The report, by the Co-operation and Competition Panel, said that one trust was insisting patients wait at least 15 weeks for treatment.

Such a time frame is within the 18-week target, but many hospitals can deal with patients more quickly than that. Everyone has become very ‘jobsworth’, doing only the minimum that is required.

I’d say that there is no actual proof of this as yet – and yet you ignore the way that the Co-operation and Competition Panel are rather close to lobby groups for privatised healthcare.

But when you challenge them on their attitude, as I did when I called the ‘health centre’ and spoke to the receptionist, or manager, or whatever she calls herself, they are shocked at your temerity.

Again the ‘journalist’ puts Health Centre in quotes.

How would you like it if you were queuing and someone jumped in front of the line? There you go – that’s why you have receptionists – to stop bossy, over-entitled ‘journalists’ thinking that they are so much more important than anyone else.

They are too used to being bossy. They call the shots, not you, the patient – or at least potential patient. What would it have cost this woman on Friday morning to have said: ‘Sod the protocol – everyone needs to know about this famine, Miss Jones, so I am going to speak to the GP and see what we can do.’

What would it have cost to send a ‘journalist’ to the famine? It would have cost the appointment slot of someone coming in to have their asthma monitored, a chronic leg ulcer dressing being changed, a diabetes check or a renewal of a contraceptive implant.

And the world knows about the famine, because people like the BBC have journalists there. Not ‘journalists’ like you.

Have a serious think and ask yourself – what are you going to add to the reporting? All you are going to add to is the burden of people having to support you while you are out there – unless you are going to carry all the food and water you expect to eat while you are there in your Gucci hand luggage.

But no. People no longer talk in such a way. They follow the rules. They never put themselves out. They never look at the bigger picture.

Madame – you are a douche of the highest order.

And a Troll.

(Article reproduced fully for criticism)

246 thoughts on “Raised Expectations”

  1. I really must read the Guardian more. Kellett , you really need to learn to temper your obsession with Liz.It's embarrassing.

  2. Stands and applauds. First class post. (Am also enjoying Sirens enormously having, unlike your brother, already read the book).

    DW x

  3. *Applause*

    But it has to be said – you *really* expected anything fair/ generous/ understanding/ well-written/ balanced/ relevant/ helpful/ non-Troll from the Daily HateMail? God love you for your optimism, dude.

  4. Couldn't agree more, Liz Jones represents everything that is wrong with society, materialisticm, self obsessed and dellusions of grandure.

    As you said, she is "fashion" reporter, what reporting could she possibly carry out whilst there that would be of any interest or value. A commentry on the dress sense of the impoverished and starving possibly?

    She makes me shudder

  5. Brilliant peice, but I don't think Liz properly qualifies as a troll. She is far too clueless to deliberately spark an argument. She truly thinks she is highlighting a social injustice here. I pity her.

  6. That was a brilliant post and, considering how angry you obviously, rightly are, really measured and thought through.

  7. I'm not going to link to the original story because I don't want to send visitors to the rag that is the Daily Mail.

    As a general rule, I think it's preferable to always provide a link for those who want to check your analysis against the original, even if you disagree with them. Its a sort of intellectual 'best practice' which trumps the worry about giving the Daily Mail pageviews. Yes, the paper will see an uptick in visitor stats as a result, but the visitors who you send their way are hardly likely to be sucked into their warped worldview.

  8. Thank you for this. I was reduced to such a pitch of incoherent rage by Liz Jones's article that couldn't write anything down to express my disgust.

  9. What the hell are you doing reading a Daily Mail article anyway. And then treating it like a newpaper? It'll be a psychiatric referral next.

  10. You *know* she's going to turn in a piece that starts "All over the UK you see obese people. Why can't they be thin like these people in Somalia?"

  11. Speaking as a journalist, I think you deserve a medal. No, two. No, dammit, a whole row. Well done for skewering that idiot with a piece of brilliant writing – which, with its measured anger and powerful satire is immeasurably better than anything that pathetic and shameful 'journalist' has ever produced. My only regret is that the Daily Mail will love the controversy and think that what she has written – however stupid when looked at objectively – is good publicity.

  12. *Joins standing ovation* and I concur totally with the above posts, especially Leod's. With a bit of luck the return stub of her ticket will "go astray".

  13. Bravo. But remember this is the woman who pleaded poverty, was sent donations so she wasn't evicted then proudly displayed the results of her cosmetic surgery.

  14. well said , i left a few comments on the article itself . she complains of "attitude" , pot, kettle , black ?

  15. Great post, thank you!

    Another thought occurs – does this all mean that we'll have to read her coverage of the famine ? *shudders*

  16. Bravo with knobs on, great post. It's doubtful, but I really do hope Liz reads your article. Even if she doesn't, she will certainly be pouring over the kicking she's getting in the comments section of her article online.

  17. Well said! Liz Jones is either a self-obsessed delusional shallow twat or an ironic joke. Since she writes for the Daily Mail, I incline to the former!

  18. A truly well thought out and clearly explained response to an idiotic article of mammoth proportions, even for the Daily Everythinggivesyoucancer. If it's not the NHS it's any other public sector work they can slag off. They might as well have a section in the paper called 'Misinformed gibberish'. Well done to you sir

  19. Absolutely bloody marvellous piece! you are so right and so perfectly embodied pretty much everything I felt when I read her drivel. Why they pay her is a mystery to me. Oh hang on, it's the Daily Hatemail – she fits right in. <sigh>

  20. Very well written, but I'm incredulous that any human being with two brain cells to rub together could ever have come up with the piece she did without looking at this and thinking "HANG ON A MINUTE…"

    Truly unbelievable.

  21. Bravo! I've read several well-written articles this morning on the same vein, the woman is, as you say, a troll.

    And what would have happened if she had hen-pecked the surgery into getting the vaccinations and she had a reaction as a result of some other medication she was taking, I bet she'd sue in a flash and write about it in her soul-sucking column.

    WTF is any paper doing sending her out there? Seriously, who is going to care about her opinions on the dearth of deep hair conditioning or the poor state of starving Somali's skin?

  22. Wonderful!

    This would be the same Liz 'two private therapists and a super-expensive dentist' Jones who claimed that she was near bankruptcy a couple of years ago, right? Utter tosser.

  23. Obviously Jones and the Daily Mail make a lot of money from trolling- driving traffic to the site to read for themselves or comment on the articles. That's why http://istyosty.com/ is great. But I do find it odd that Jones took the time to write about the amazing care her dying mother received through the NHS and just a few weeks later comes out with this. Those two therapists must have an awful time.

  24. I often wonder if Liz Jones is actually a real person or a made up persona to put out the wails sensationalist views.

    If not, she is a twunt of the highest order.

  25. Absolutely superb! I have many times considered such a dissection of Ms. Jones's intolerable 'journalism' but often find myself so infuriated by the third paragraph that I am unable to continue. For this reason, sir, you deserve applause for your analysis and wit as well as your intellectual and – dare I say – physical constitution.

  26. You should read her twitter page Liz Jones in Somalia.. example:

    "Embarrassed to learn my facelift cost more than Aasiya earns in 10 years. Explained it was necessary so I could tell her story to the world."

    She's quite the comedian isn't she.

  27. I'll be interested to see exactly how insightful her comments are on the fashion/health service/music scene in Somalia. If she'd ever been anywhere near a famine zone, she'd keep her vaccinations up to date (I say smugly, as that is what I do).

    As they say, bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

  28. I'm minded to agree with Leila, surely Liz Jones is a made-up parody persona – It's hard to imagine how anyone with actual thoughts could come out with the shit she does.

    and @Jim, i guess you knwo this but the "Liz Jones in Somalia" twitter account is a parody – bloody funny though, in a "but she probably would have said that" sort of way.

  29. As with most who have posted here I fully agree that your response is brilliantly measured.
    Everything else I would have commented on has already been said in the comments above.
    Those who wonder why any right minded (and by that I mean sane, not politically 'right' minded) person would read what Liz Jones or any other DM 'journalist' has to say really should consider: How else do we know what that lot are spewing out if we don't keep our wary eyes on them?
    Effectively 'know thine enemy' or rather 'how do we know how to write well, if we cannot see how others write badly'?
    Congratulations Brian Kellett.

  30. I can't think of anything more worthwhile than sitting in reception with a toddler running a temperature for longer than necessary than Ms Jones being a complete failure as a human being. Perhaps her PA was on holiday or something.

    My only surprise is the lack of "Don't you know who I am?". Perhaps she omitted that.

    She strikes me as the sort of woman who would arm her husband with a pack of brussel sprouts and get him to stand in the trolley queue whilst she filled the trolley up and then came and queue jumped.

    Anyway, well said sir.

  31. Absolutely brilliant.

    I'm still laughing at this line: "Why 'health centre' in quotes? Is it because you work for a 'paper'?"

    You have hit every nail on the head exactly, and given that Liz Jones's ignorance, ridiculous self obsession and superioity complex provide a nail in pretty much every sentence, that's some going.

  32. Absolutely agree with every single word of this post. I've long thought people like Liz 'Don't you know who I am' Jones needed a reality check. Appalling.

  33. A great post. The 'journalist' is clueless and has no idea about the pressures of the public health system. If she had organized herself earlier she could have had her shots without queue-jumping. It was her fault she was under a short time frame and she could have avoided her problems with a little forward planning. The piece-of-shite-rag (sorry the Daily Mail) should have organized these for her if they thought she was essential to reportage of the crisis. All I can say is WTF were they thinking?!?!

  34. "I also find your linking together of 'snotty nosed kid' and 'depression' a red flag that you know very little about health at all."

    No, silly, what you don't understand is that all these "depressed" people are clearly just "bothering" the doctor. There are people with REAL problems out there. Like Liz "I can only afford two horses and this giant country house of mine is so lonely" Jones. Or Liz "I've had tonnes of cosmetic surgery because I am a 'real woman'' Jones. Or Liz "my extremely expensive private clinic has failed to give me the treatment I desire, I blame the NHS" Jones.

    I wonder if the Daily Mail have just got sick of her and are sending her off to Somalia in the hope that the shock of the real world will render her catatonic. Or they have a better sense of humour than I ever imagined.

    In any case, well done on being able to comment on this with more coherency than what most people manage when confronted with her unsurpassed idiocy. I can't seem to get further than "AUUUUUUGH AUUUGH I HATE HER I HATE HER", personally.

  35. Here here – I really wish The Daily Mail would disappear into a black hole – I'm sure society would benefit from it – Liz Jones is a nutter as is Melanie Phillips and Jan Moir – Nasty nasty women who really need to take their extremely large chips off their shoulders!

  36. Dont you need to start Malaria treatment ahead of actually going there? Or are the current drugs faster in achieving prophylaxis? I only ask because if so, I can imagine her shouting angrily at the mosquitos that they have to wait a few days before biting her.

  37. This.

    On a side note, who went to wikipedia and edited Liz's entry to include the below? Whoever did so clearly deserves a medal.

    "She currently writes vile and self-centered columns for the Daily Mail and the The Mail on Sunday."

  38. I am so glad that other people's blood boils over to ridiculous temperatures when they read things written by Liz Jones. I would not begrudge her (or anyone who can afford it) private healthcare, nor her designer clothes, excruciatingly expensive beauty regimens, ridiculous animal expenditures or anything else – it's your money, darling. Go crazy and buy a Hermes for your horse if you want.

    What I do begrudge is moaning, whinging, complaining and pontificating about just how tough you've got it. Why the DM is sending her to Somalia, I have no idea, but we can only pray that a bit of perspective slaps this woman in the face, because she either has no clue or has elaborately constructed the least-likable journalistic persona ever. I hope it's the latter really; she's a dreadful human being if she really is like that.

  39. Brilliant puncturing of the pathetic Daily Mail piece, but it misses a rather significant reason to hate Liz Jones even more.

    So the GP you pay lots of money for could only give you one set of injections – I assume that they explained why.

    Applying logic to Liz Jones is not always fruitful, but here's my reading:

    Thursday: Liz has one set of injections in Sloane Street, London. The others need to be done the following day. This is not uncommon with a course of injections.
    Friday: Liz is not in London, she's in Somerset. So she rings up a GP surgery that she is not registered with but happens to be nearest to her.

    The reason her London GP could not give her the second day's injections was – it therefore appears – that it was not convenient for her to go to Sloane Street.

    So the very same woman who complains that someone won't "put themselves out" can't actually be bothered travelling back to her own private doctor.

  40. That woman lives on another planet. I've tried reading a few of her articles but always stop half way through as I find she just word vomits stupidity. If she spent a week in the real world it might help her.

  41. Olly, well done for trying to deflect this but you're mis-informed…..mail reader?

    Anti-Jewishness would not be racist, it would be religious bigotry I think.

    We-re not anti-Jewish (is she Jewish?), we're anti-Stupid.

    The Mail is a disgrace and the people who buy it need help.

  42. She's sounds like a spoilt 15 year old. I'm embarrassed for her. When she grows up she'll look back at this and cringe, i expect.

  43. Whoooooop! This is magnificent. About time this professional troll got what's coming to her. How she holds down a job is a mystery to me (and has been for some time).

  44. Absolutely marvellous, and the perfect response to Liz Jones' latest self-aggrandizing nonsense.

    Sir, I salute you.

  45. Well said, Brian.

    Given that Liz Jones is a 'journalist' you'd think she would have access to a dictionary so be able to look up the meaning of the word 'emergency', woudn't you.

    Also, what the hell have the people of Somalia ever done to deserve her?

  46. Excuse me, does anyone mind if I jump the queue as my comment is rather more important than anyone elses? Well done Brian, a superb measured response to a ignorant woman's misplaced rant.

  47. How dare you or that dreadful jobsworth receptionist question the overwhelming importance of Liz Jones? In penance, you need to follow her harrowing account of travelling to Somalia to cure the famine: @LizJonesSomalia – It's Pulitzer Prize stuff.

  48. Fantastic article, Brian, but I can't shake the feeling that more progress could be made by slapping her repeatedly about the face with a dead fish until she is jolted into reality.

  49. If I could hug you right now, I would! That article of hers made me apoplectic with rage.
    I was a medical receptionist in a huge and busy GP surgery for five and a half years. Every day I put myself out to help people who NEEDED it because I cared about their health.

    How dare this so called 'journalist' base her opinion of the NHS on not being able to demand something and get it straight away? Who on God's earth does she think she is?

    There are thousands of ill people who wait patiently and politely every day for appointments, scans, operations…. Liz Jones and her ilk disgust me.

  50. Wonderful post. She's clearly trying to pass on the blame for not doing her research properly prior to setting off.

    And NHS GP receptionist, you are a hero!

  51. This is the same woman who couldn't be persuaded that ringing 999 to complain about a noisy police helicopter was an inappropriate use of the Emergency number.

  52. As a journo, I am standing and applauding you. Liz Jones – and despite working on Fleet Street for years I've never met her – is the sort of self opiniated idiot that gives us all a bad name. Her column – and yes I have sometimes read it in You Magazaine – is the sort of self-righteous nonsence that is billed as being 'honest' (those quote marks again, sorry), yet hides a deeply critical, neurotic person. She is ideal for The Hate (as we call it in the trade) and the artcle does nobody any good. If I was a famished child in Africa, the sight of Liz Jones striding across and demanding an interview would be the last straw. I hpe your piece will be linked by lots of people (best wishes from a non-phone harcking, reasonably liberal, hardworking journo).

  53. Congratulations on voicing what I thought when I read Ms Jones original article. She is delusional, self obsessed and makes me want to throw up. I have always received excellent care from my local GP and they have always been incredibly helpful whenever they could. I can just imagine the tone in her voice as she talked down to the receptionist. I cannot repeat what I would have said or where I would have told her to go.

  54. I think you do the lady a disservice. The practice should have given her a series of H20 jabs … in the butt with a very big needle…followed by a sugar lump and Im so Brave sticker. The stupid mare wouldnt have noticed the difference. That way, her post-Glasto egotrip may have been one way and, even if she had returned, she would have a few reasons to justify emergency medical attention… the heps, typhoid, diphtheria, tetanus, and polio.

  55. Thank you so much for saying this! The quotes from Liz's article have truly horrified me and I hope this response gets more publicity than her alleged 'journalism'

  56. Excellent article. Nomination for best sign-off line ever – "Madame – you are a douche of the highest order"

  57. ask private eye about liz jones, they have the same opion as the author and many others myself included

  58. Just perfect. Jones is worse than a troll, because she's being paid to write her garbage. At least with a genuine troll you can bring down a heavy internet knobbly club on their stupid fat heads. If you did that to Jones, she'd just grow another one.

  59. Brilliantly done! Shame it will probably have absolutely no effect on her. After all, you work in the NHS so why should she listen to you? She has a famine to deal with and your lot have done nothing to help.
    BTW, a previous Liz Jones piece was "I'd still rather be dead than thin" – her reports from Africa will probably focus on how lucky they are not to be at risk!

  60. Excellent rebuff to a (no doubt) ridiculous article.

    Someone should send that muppet a book on Florence Nightingale and the concept of 'triage'. I love how those who like to tell you they have BUPA are the first to moan when they have to come and 'rough it' with us citizens in the NHS. The reason? Because the expertise and the cost of many operations is too high for the private sector to run profitably. Cherry picking all the most profitable bits…my contacts in the NHS tell me this is what will occur if the Big Society Bucanneers are allowed to continue with their attacks on NHS.

    Anyone on Twitter should follow the following spoof account (at least I think it's a spoof Liz Jones – the voice is very authentically similar to that quoted above): @LizJonesSomalia

  61. @ RedHeadI don't want her to get malaria! Then she'd get a column out of it! No, let nothing genuinely terrible happen to Liz Jones for as long as she lives. She'd get way more mileage than she deserves and I don't ever want to find myself struggling with feelings of sympathy for her.

  62. May I applaud you? For some time I have had a severe case of anti Jones, this vapid woman seems to think the world stops for her!
    Has anyone read her Wikipedia entry? It is obviously self composed and the first section, on her early life, is virtually stolen from Salvador Dali's Secret Life, but neither as well written or as funny!
    She needs two therapists, as she vainly writes about her life, as though anyone is interested. She is like a newspaper version of Peter Andre and about as much use.
    Such people should be banned from flying to these stricken areas of the world, they are no earthly use whatsoever and just get in people's way who are trying to actually help!

  63. Hank, sorry. I was feeding the Troll wasn't I? I did try and point out that our criticism was justified because she's dim, but I accept he wasn't actually after anything but a reaction….

  64. Oh thankyou for this. It is the perfect antidote to the rancid bile that loathsome witch coughs up.

    There are very few people I HATE (evil dictators aside) but Jones is truly vicious with her idiocy and deserves anyones hatred. She is not a journalist, there is no evidence that she has done a scrap of research before publishing her toxic musings.

  65. I find it laudable that Ms Jones spent all those years in the throes of anorexia without troubling the NHS. No, wait, what's that other L word…

    Ah yes – Lies. I find it lies. Liz Jones couldn't be more of a troll if she had billy goats trip-trapping over her bridge.

  66. A friend who works in 'A&E' (like the quotes?) sent me the link to this. I nearly wet myself laughing (maybe I do need NHS, then. . .) Liz Jones has two therapists because one (and apparently not two, either) is insufficient to deal with her delusion that the world revolves ENTIRELY around her. For the record, I've been to A&E once and a walk-in centre once (ironically, I was getting on a plane the next day and my GP couldn't fit me in – but it was something that had come up that day!). Everyone I encountered was uniformly professional and tried their best to be helpful. I've received FAR better care here on the NHS than I did with my 'private' insurance in the US. (Don't EVEN get me started. . .)l

  67. She is – I assume – in London or thereabouts. She could have visited the London Hospital of Tropical Medicine. Awfully good on malaria and that sort of thing. I'm a journalist myself. Feel much the same as the medical profession must feel about Dr Crippen, I suppose!

  68. Absolutely hilarious critique, though the real tragedy is that she is now off to Somalia – those poor poor people.

  69. If only the Daily Mail had been at the centre of the phone hacking scandal, and had to print their last issue last week. I still dream that happened.

  70. Thank you for your analysis and post. The DM have closed the comments section to that original article. No wonder. Atrocious piece of s…

  71. Joined the NHS in 1979 – not surprised at this – forever being kicked! Give her the jabs and if she has an allergic reaction no doubt she wouldn't dream of complaining that the 'proper procedure wasn't followed. I expect she would just be delighted that her 'demands' were met….

  72. Brilliant dissection of complete and utter rubbish written by Liz Jones! Poor ethical journalists , Murdoch and NoW and now Liz Jones……both as bad as each other!
    What does Liz Jones and investigative reporting have in common? ….ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

  73. Congratulations on a fantastic response to the clueless Bile emenating from that waste of paper . I would also like to draw your attention to the current campaign of that paronoid proll Peter Hitchens ,who is trying to claim that Anti Depressant`s are the root cause of every act of evil from Derrick Bird to Anders Behring Breivik. Interestingly Peter does not offer any alternatives for those who suffer the effects of depression(which includes unfortunatly me in a Bipolar sense)This of course is the paper that gave us the Janet Street Porter article on depression as well. Cretins

  74. Bravo – I was speechless. Especially reading recent columns about her use of health care in the private sector for cosmetic work and weekly updates on her financial status.

  75. as the owner of a 'snotty little brat' myself, I always found the NHS to be very accomodating and considerate whenever I had a minor emergency with him. The point is, babies and young children fall into a category that needs preferential treatment; as my doctor explained to me, she'd far rather waste ten minutes of her time making sure that my son had a cold, not meningitus, than be dismissive of people like me and have us resort to self diagnosing our children's ailments, possibly to the detriment of their health.

    Most of Liz Jones' articles are poorly researched and based around ill founded ideas she has about other people and their lives; she always seems very bitter to me. To slam the NHS in this way is despicable and I would like to point out that my family and I have had some amazing medical care in the UK; we appreciate this even more since moving abroad.

  76. This is without doubt the best blog post I have read all year. Liz Jones' "article" filled me with SUCH RAGE, and yours has soothed me. I didn't think that would be possible…

    BRAVO for an amazing piece of writing.

  77. Wonderful post, but I believe you're all missing the point. Even the Daily Heil has limits, and Liz may well have gone too far with her insufferable whining about how Somerset hates her (here's a clue, Liz – it's not *just* Somerset).

    They're sending her out there in the hope that she starves to death.

  78. Great article, love it ……….. Words fail me ( almost) the woman is an ignorant monster. I had never heard of her so after reading yr article I went to the newspaper's web site to look at some of her work ….. I was amazed to find that the only "Liz Jones" (quote marks are deliberate ) I could find is a so called "fashion writer".
    is this the same Liz Jones of whom you speak??
    I read 3 of her articles and found them partonising, smug and amazingly annoying, I shan't be reading any more. If indeed this is the same journalist then my only question is why on earth is she going to cover a famine in Africa????
    It served to remind me why I do not read the Daily Mail!

  79. Can't stand up (easily) to applaud due to a busted foot which itself – rightly – is trumped for NHS attention by those in more serious need. But if I could, I would. Historic piece, more power to you. And less to Douchy Liz.

  80. You never have been able to walk into a GP surgery at the last second and get vaccinations against whatever lurgy you care to mention. You used to have to get yellow fever vaccination from a registered doctor/travel centre. Have the rules changed?

    In any case, you need two jabs a week or so apart for some. I'm not a medic but I know that! How naive & unworldly do you have to be not know this? Is she an uneducated 16 year old who has never been anywhere interesting?

    The woman is mind-numbingly ignorant and clearly doesn't mind who knows it.

    The Daily Troll are sending her to Somalia to generate web traffic.

    If it hadn't been her, it would've been Melanie Phillips, Richard Littlejohn, Andrew Pierce, Jan Moir, Peter Hitchens or one of their other web hit generating clowns.

    To the most serious famine for years. Cynical or what?

    Nonetheless, I'm *still* amazed anyone would want to be broadcast to the entire world as being quite so fantastically witless, unprepared & incapable.

  81. The biggest mystery is why the Mail/Mail on Sunday continue to commission her? Does she have a picture of the editors stuck in a sheep? I just cannot believe their readers don't find her as air-suckingly awful as we do. She lacks an awareness which is breathtaking. How her ex-husband managed to marry her will remain a mystery of the modern age. She still refers to him like a bitter stench that refuses to go away. If he was able to I'm sure he would kick himself in the arse several times over for marrying the hag. But it's not just her personal unlikeability that gets up my nosehole – it's the fact she's able to push her rhetoric in two national newspapers AND a Sunday supplement. Trust me, Lizgate is surely coming…

  82. Imagine all those poor africans who will probably die because Liz Jones was not there to help, she could have done their makeup, showed them how a blackberry works. Real life skills.

    You know what they say – give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day, but write a critique of a starving man's outfit and do his children's makeup, and he will eat for a year.

    Well said sir. What an amazingly deluded and self-important individual Ms Jones is, you have picked her apart far more eloquently than I am able.

  83. As someone like you who not only works in the NHS, but in a GP surgery, I was absolutely incandescent when I read this article (through itsyotsy of course so as not to give them the traffic). Don't know where to even start to explain how annoyed I am – but your blog has summed it up perfectly – thank you! And to all the NHS workers out there, especially the ones in GP surgeries, Health Centres and Walk In Centres, who have to deal with this sort of stuff everyday….Keep Up the Good Work – you're bloody marvellous and deserve to hold your heads up high!!! :0)

  84. First class response, I work for the NHS and am appalled by this stupid woman's arrogance, smugness and total lack of any manners whatsoever. Get a reality check Liz and stop living in Cloud Cuckoo land

  85. Brilliantly written. I won't read the article as it would mean abandoning my Daily Mail principles (not reading it) but if this cow is as bitter and self-worshiping as she sounds, she is indeed an horrific, sour-faced, 'troll'. If I knew what she looked liked and which idyllic hamlet she spawns from I would slap her.

  86. excelllent!

    I refuse to believe Liz Jones is for real, surely no one can be that self-involved?! And they're sending her to cover a famine?!

  87. Assuming vaccinations work, they need more than 24 hours to become effective. She's a dope of the highest proportions!

  88. It's articles like that which have led me to avoid reading any newspaper for almost 10 years. They're all rubbish. Almost without exception they glamorise or villainise whatever the flavour of the month is or was to make themselves feel superior or to cause just enough of a stir to shift a few extra units without the fear of falling fowl of any authority. Mind you, half the time the BBC isn't any better.

  89. This women is why things are turning like this in the world. Always out for themselves, rude, and generally thinking they're the best thing walking the earth. I think its best shes on private healthcare, because the nhs shouldnt have to deal with idiots like this!

  90. Abso-bloody-lutely brilliant! I loved every single word of this entry.

    As a journalist, I am appalled at the lack of good sense Liz Jones shows. She is a disgrace to my profession.

  91. Very bloody well done. I am a long-time "person-who-sighs-with-depression-that-I-live-in-a-world-where-Liz-Jones-is-paid-to-write", but this almost makes it worth it. Tremendous takedown on every level.

    Just 3 weeks ago, Liz Jones wrote another long column about her aging mother's dementia, and repeatedly praised the nurses who are her long-term carers and the amount of free resources that are provided for her mother. I feel very sorry for her and her mother, but you'd think she might recall how privileged we are in the UK to have the NHS. How would she feel if someone had barged into those nurses' surgery as they were about to go and visit her mum, demanding an 'urgent' vaccination…?

  92. Quite right.

    Every other piece Jones writes is like this; reflecting her attitude that everyone else in the world exists to serve her. And then she complains of not having any friends, not having a boyfriend, none of her six siblings wanting her for Christmas etc. How she's made it to her early fifties without spotting the connection is beyond me.

    Also pretty ghastly the way she complains of being practically bankrupt (prompting little old ladies on pensions to send her 10 notes through the post) whilst constantly boasting of the money she's spent on plastic surgery, designer clothes and therapists for her horses or something. Ugh. She's got no-one to blame for her problems but herself.

  93. This woman makes me so mad i can hardly explain! Constantly making out that she is hard done by, maybe if she took her head out her backside for two minutes and had a wee look around she would realise the world does not revolve around her…… Just shows you how high an opinion she has of herself expecting people just to drop everything to suit her……. Liz who?!?!

  94. Absolutely brilliant of demolition of the Mail's article!

    (Of which the best that can be said is that it is all too revealing of their real attitudes to health and disability)

  95. An excellent post Brian, I doff my cap in your general direction. Liz Jones is a joke and, as you correctly state in the article, a "journalist" who is more than suited to the Daily Mail. I'm sending a link to this blog to the Daily Mail along with a letter of complaint about her; she should get sacked for writing this drivel.

  96. Liz Jones reporting from Somalia: 'They are all far too thin and are wearing terrible cothes. I am ridiculous and deeply horrible self-involved person. And have these women never heard of skin care?'

  97. Brilliant post, and all the better for the calm dissection of exactly why she's talking cobblers.

    I've had amazing help from various NHS staff around the country in various circumstances varying from motorcycle accidents to poorly children, and 99% of the time everything has been handled brilliantly… Having lived in the U.S for a while, I wouldn't give up the NHS for anything…

  98. well done, this is a classic. i used to work with Liz Jones and her pals at The Sunday Times (i did real journalism rather than features exposing what it's like to wear a hat to a cafe). Their sense of self worth and entitlement is perfectly summed up by this article in the Daily Nazi and so beautifully put down by you.
    Why on earth she didn't plan ahead for her jabs and why she would think her health centre has a special service keeping live jabs in a fridge just waiting for unregistered people to call up and be rude and jump a queue.
    My only concern is that without Liz Jones there to report on the famine we may never get to find out what combination of earing and hemline works best when covering the deaths of starving millions.

  99. What a pain in the a**e she is. Why do journalists think that they are better than everyone else and can queue jump?

    Sorry, she works for the Daily Mail … I had better go and re-write that.

    Naughty me.

  100. Absolutely BRILLIANT blog.
    I am a journalist and this woman disgusts me and has disgusted me for many years.
    Not that I read the rag she works for – I'd rather not read anything ever again.
    She should have been sacked years ago for her constant whining, whingeing and utter crap that she produces and dares to call a column.
    I would happily pay for a one-way ticket for her to Somalia – but I think the country has enough problems as it is.

  101. I couldn't respond to this on Twitter without blowing my cover which, at the time, many people still thought was genuine. Really well written article, very succinctly put and a strong argument that someone like Liz Jones shouldn't be writing for a mainstream publication – not because of her politics, but because of her misinformation and general refusal to let facts get in the way of pushing her agenda. Well done.

  102. I used to work as a ward clerk, clinic receptionist and general admin gofer/dogsbody in an acute hospital. I would put myself out for people too, if they were sick and they needed it, but the likes of Ms Jones with her 'I'm so special, I'm so entitled, drop everything for me NOW' attitude can jog on. Horrid articles, horrid writing, and from what people I know that have met her have said, horrid woman all round really.

    I hope her therapists are getting all the support they need though, it must be a tough job…

  103. Thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Always nice when someone has a dig at the tabloid vermin.

    She is going to cover famine in Africa but beforehand has the audacity to act like a spoilt brat about a healthcare system that many of those affected by the tragedies in Africa would welcome with open arms.

    One can only hope that spending time around others that are not as fortunate would generate a little appreciation for for the things they have and take for granted. However, we are talking about a tabloid journo here so they are more likely to have a go at the aid organisations who are there to truly help.

    I believe if she had managed to get the jabs, she would have written an attack about that. She mentioned two therapists. Where are they? Couldn't they have listened to her nonsense, instead of it being published? Why 2 therapists anyway? Does one have to treat the other after spending time with this woman?

    Anyway, so sorry for going on like that, once again it was an enjoyable & entertaining read.

  104. I used to read her column in (I think) The Observer Magazine years and years ago, when I believed it was a spoof .. a sort of "Bridget Jones gets really petty and nasty" half page. The shock – when the penny dropped that this was a real person, with such half baked opinions – was acute. Her arrogance and sense of entitlement is staggering, and might be amusing if she wasn't now being afforded such a huge platform to parade her ill informed and ignorant rants. Some poor souls out there might believe that she has a foot to stand on. Like so many people who think they "know their rights", she misunderstands the role of NHS Primary Care. She certainly has no sense of what constitutes a medical emergency … just because something is urgent to her, doesn't mean the NHS should treat it as such. She is a rude, silly woman.

  105. Beautifully done, sir.

    A superb dissection of a piece of moronic, tabloid drivel, in a point-by-point manner that left no room for debate

    I doubt if your rational would make any impact on anyone as stupid enough to agree with her toxic views, but to the rest of us, out here in the real world, it was a pleasure to read some common sense, and a shared, impassioned viewpoint


    Stu Who?

  106. Beautiful! I'm always pleased to see Liz Jones' "writing" dissected and although I generally think it is a huge waste of energy to hate someone you don't even know I am more than happy to make an exception for her. How does such an ignorant, shallow, bigot continue to be so successfull? I suppose the "2 therapists" says it all!

  107. Well said! I work in A&E and recently had a a woman demanding her (well) child with a cold be seen more urgently because she had been waiting for 3hrs. Que check the waiting board and actually they have been waiting 1hr. Its explained that emergencies take priority. Her response verbatim: "Well this is an emergency, I have a flight to catch in 2hrs".

  108. Marvelous , bravo , oh you showed her.

    A brilliant …er article.
    Those Nazi racist homophobic ppl . The Mail? The xenophobes , more like.

    Great , bloody marvelous Brian .

    I hate her , oh yes. Bloody showed her . Oooh. Who does she not think she is ?
    Expecting medical care from a free medical centre.This cuntry is has far too many bastards like her.What does he think she is? A Racist , that's what!!!!!

  109. Ooooh, brilliant. I tried to reply on the Daily Mail site, but the comments were closed. Wonder why? This woman is clearly an egomaniac and lives in a fantasy world. No wonder she needs two therapists.

  110. Spot. On. You've poured the soothing waters of parody on my firey rage of indignant incredulity. I am almost at peace again, though won't be fully placated until reports come back of Jones contracting some suitably unpleasant illness.

    I sir, am a new fan.

  111. Well done, excellent response and well written response. This woman is clearly highly arrogant and completely detatched from reality!

    As someone who has had REAL emergencies, even I can appreciate that it is not the fault of individual front-line health staff, but a symptom of lack of resources.

    And well done to the NHS surgery for making the EXCELLENT decision not to waste precious resources on this creature!

  112. Sorry Brian,

    I hadn't heard of you until this blog was flagged up on Gransnet. But now I love you and want to have your children. Oh curses – you will have realised that I can't because I belong to Gransnet. Can I have your grandchildren then?

    Fabulous blog – what a cow. Still, shouldn't be surprised – it's the Daily Mail for heaven's sake.

  113. Bravo! *throws red roses* Excellent! Happy to have had your shortened version as I don't have to sully my fingers by typing the Daily Heil webaddress into Google.
    Liz Jones…what a sad sad excuse for a woman.

  114. Two therapists is obviously not quite enough for this self obsessed superficial bitch. I'd bet she had time to get her nails done, some colonic lavage to detox and slim her down prior to bloating on the flight – but not enough time to arrange healthcare to stop her dropping dead with cholera after the longest bout of bloody diarrhoea known to mankind. Obviously the featherbrained bint hasn't heard of anaphylactic shock .. that's what can happen when you give complete strangers intramuscular medication and don't hang around to see what happens.. a little 'jab' ! !! God help the poor suffering Somalis.. as if watching your children starve to death wasn't bad enough.. you have to have some over-pampered half wit shoving into the front to witness the scene.. and then pop home business class to have her nails repaired. Abject poverty in Africa today .. and next week's article something gritty like Tara Palmer Tomkinsons new handbag. I don't know her but i hate her with a vengance… I hope she gets worms.. actually NO, I hope she gets a conscience one day and realises what a twat she is and has to live with the pain of what she has witnessed. Who in their right mind wants to go to Somalia and use up the oxygen that these poor bastards need.. she is a parasite of the worst order. I'll pay for her 3rd bloody therapist.

  115. Just in case this hasn't already been said, people who actually fly out to these emergencies to provide lifesaving care and support, like Medecins Sans Frontieres, the Red Cross etc, have vaccinations provided by private healthcare centres set up to provide short notice jabs and other medical support to get people safely to a crisis in a hurry.

    I'm amazed that newspapers covering these emergencies are so unprofessional that they don't pay for their staff to use these centres. Or that if Liz Jones is such a fan of private healthcare, she hasn't registered with one of them independently.

  116. Brilliantly written, I cannot stand Liz Jones and agree with absolutely everything you have written in your response.

  117. I wasn't aware of Liz Jones's idiotic article before reading this post, but I'm so glad you took the time to point out how wrong she is. There was definitely an attitude problem involved in that story… I kind of feel sorry for her really – she used to have a column in The Guardian colour supplement, all about her wedding plans, and you only had to glance at it occasionally to see that the woman had some serious issues. If only people would stop paying her to broadcast those issues to the nation… Btw, I'm guessing you've seen this: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/aug/01/liz-jones-somalia-famine

  118. Sir, I am a straight heterosexual male. But I would marry you and have your children in honour of the best response to that dysfunctional harpie I have read. The trouble is the Daily Heil will probably now give the bitch a pay rise as their site hits rise. Fucking SEO.

    I gave up reading her shite after she wrote a piece accusing men car drivers of being incoonsiderate when one hooted her as she did 30mph down a motorway acceleration lane.

  119. She needs three %#!ing therapists. How sending that particular 'journalist' to cover a famine is expected to help is beyond me.

  120. A damning indictment of most people today and a clear example of the dunning-kruger effect in all it's misguided glory. Liz Jones and the many wannabees like her make an unbelievable case for the introduction of eugenics laws

  121. But… if she's a troll, she's fully aware of how indignant she was and the lack of logic in her writing. So either she's an idiot or a troll… and if she's a troll, you're feeding her.

    I highly doubt she is a troll, and you should know what one is since you started your article with a definition.

  122. For anyone who wants to translate their anger at this troll into tangible aid for Somalia please donate at http://www.justgiving.com/dmreporter/. This is linked to the fake twitter feed @LizJonesSomalia. A geat example of the power of social media to a) take the piss, b) do good things and c) exact troll revenge.

    As I type we're just short of raising the 20k target by 350. It will vacinate around 20,000 children. Probably faster service than the NHS too … 😉

  123. Nice. Although you don't explain why you were reading the Mail and her article in the first place. I think the best way to treat that drivel is not to give it the value of your time to read. Can't help thinking her article must surely have been tongue in cheek though??? Please say it is…

  124. Perfectly put. I'm so sick of people – especially spoilt, loaded, tax-dodging types – hammering the NHS. As far as I can tell it's is a wonderful and absolutely essential service, staffed by unusually dedicated, highly trained and empathetic professionals, which needs far more money and far less abuse thrown at it in order to protect it in the long run. I don't know a single person that hasn't had to rely on the NHS at some stage. Dreadful, dreadful woman.

  125. Well done to Brian Kellett and well done to the receptionist who had to deal with the odious journalist. Not being a Daily Mail reader I have not heard of Liz Jones before and do not wish to do so again. I could teach her how to improve her grammar by using inverted commas correctly, but I can't be bothered.

  126. Wow. Shock. Stunned. I don't read the mail, this article supports me not reading it. But I will admit I went to the blog to read the source. Firstly I commend Mr Kellet for analysing the article in its entirety. This blog seems a well reasoned, numerous yet justified response. Punctuated by and this bit really makes me chuckle that the daily mail is obviously ashamed of the tripe pouring out of ms Jones mouth as you can no longer comment on the article AND there is a little disclaimer stating it doesn't represent the views of the paper. As I said, I chuckled. Oh yes, and 2 therapists….surely that sets the scene…….

  127. Awesome article!!!! Everything i thought and wanted to say when i read the damn stupid woman's flitty little crap piece of 'journalism'

  128. I have to say that this must be the most briliantly written blog on the net! If blogs could win oscars this would have them all! I find your blogs so thoroughly entertaining as i do your books. Reading them for the 6th time now! Siren was absolutely brilliant too!

  129. Brilliantly constructed reposte to a load of waffle, although agree with commenters who say you should link to original if going to critique it, as a matter of good practice. Of course I can say that and comment here, which is more than i am allowed to do on her article, or should that be 'article'.

  130. Thank you so much for this. I can only hope and pray that Liz Jones herself has read this and is thoroughly, and quite rightly, ashamed of herself. She clearly doesn't live in the real world, and knows nothing about the struggles that people deal with on a daily basis. I have nothing but contempt for the woman, and her selfish, unrealistic view of the world.

  131. Stumbled across this blog, and all I can say is what a great blog post! In all aspects Liz Jones has clearly no idea of the real world – depite her so very regular bleatings about being broke!!

  132. I would be happy to provide this waste of air with her 'jabs',so long as it's permissible to do it with my understanding of the term. *cracks knuckles*

  133. So because she is a journalist (all be it a bad one) she should be able to cut? Or is it because she Is choosing to go to Africa but chose not to get her vaccines within the time from booking? I wud be more angry if they actually gave her an appointment!

  134. This woman is a total retard, every one knows you need to get your jabs ages before you go away. Just in case there are side effects, but since she hardly seems human maybe not, perhaps a vet could help?

    Knowing who she works for, her attitude is not surprising though,the Daily Fail is the Tory party in house magazine and her rant is in keeping with how they view the rest of us.

    Someone should take her on one side and explain reality to her, life in a world where You can't afford Sloan sq or, Harley street, where we didn't all go to Eaton or Rugby, i.e. the great 'unwashed'.

    (This particular unwashed against all odds somehow managed to get a sciences degree).

    Judging by her photo, the plastic surgery / botox isn't working, and she seems to be about as intelligent as her desk.

    Plain ugly on the outside and outrageously ugly on the inside.

    Have a grass pastie and shut up.

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