Mozzie

2:00 AM

….

2:30 AM

3:00 AM

3:30 AM

4:00 AM

4:30 AM

Every thirty minutes.

Every. Damn. Night.

—–

I've not been sleeping well, in fact I've hardly been sleeping at all. The best I can manage is a half doze before the bitch wakes me up.

For the past few nights there has been a mosquito in my flat. Every half hour she has been buzz bombing my face, looking to land in order to suck my blood.

Try as I might I can't catch her.

So every half hour I slam on the bedside lamp, grab my glasses and rolled up copy of Wired Magazine and dance futilely around my bedroom trying to track her down.

But she always seems to vanish, only to return half an hour later as I've just dropped off to sleep.

If I could I'd just sleep and let her feed – I've been bitten so many times the bites don't bother me so much now. But there is something in my animal brain that wakes me up, instantly, when a mosquito buzzes past.

—–

Female mosquitos are the only ones that bite – they use the blood to build their eggs. Male mosquitos are harmless and eat nectar and fruit juices.

Female mosquitos track their prey by body heat, scent and by sensing the carbon dioxide given off by breathing.

—–

I try to breathe quietly, to form a pool of carbon dioxide to act as bait. But she doesn't come.

I turn on every light in my flat, my eyes scan the walls for silhouettes, but to no avail.

Every half hour I wake.

I'm trying to shift from night shifts to early starts. It's hard enough for me at the best of times, but to have my sleep disturbed in such a fundamental manner is making it painful for me.

I want to sleep during the day and hunt at night – just like her.

—–

You can tell a male from a female mosquito because the males have larger and bushier antenna.

The base 'buzz' of a mosquito's flight is around 400 Hz.

—–

Every half hour I wake.

My eyes snap open and I look around the room. My attention is drawn by 'floaters', retinal cells floating in the fluid of my eye. That's when I can open my eyes – without sleep they start to fail after around twelve hours of use.

I want to cry. I probably will today – lack of sleep has that effect on me.

I feel like I'm in an Edgar Allen Poe story – 'The Telltale Mosquito Buzz'

Later today, when the shops have opened I'm going to buy the nastiest, evilist, most enviromentally unfriendly spray that I can find – then at the half hour point I shan't look, I shan't open my eyes.

I'll just listen to her approach and empty the contents of the can into the air above my face.

'Do not inhale' the can will say – but It will do it's job, because either that bitch will die, or I will.

And at least then I won't be woken by her again.

26 thoughts on “Mozzie”

  1. Jack the stupid job and get a proper one with normal hours and breaks and stuff. You will sleep better and thus cope better with such irritations.

  2. I accidentally discovered a very simple solution to the problem of mozzies whilst trying to solve the problem of noise from lorries. Earplugs. I was surprised at how comfortable they are and now I can sleep without being disturbed by mozzies, lorries or the alarmclock. hth – next time

  3. antihistamine. Solves many problems. You will sleep, she will bite and bonus, you won't itch as much afterwards. Win, Win.

  4. Dm*n – feel for you! Similar issue atm with little moths – they wont bite but they are annoying!Mind you they are probably my own fault, I shouldnt have opened my wallet…..

  5. My entirely non-medical opinion based on no science whatsoever, I am not a doctor, the value of your home may go down as well as up, lashes enhanced in post-production, etc…Is that thirty seconds inhaling a little bit of deet, while it probably won't be good for you, will be less harmful than the physical and mental effects of extended sleep deprivation. Nuke that little fucker.

  6. Feel for you. I too – solved by spraying evilness spray and putting eucalyptus oil on pillow and/or tiger balm behind ears – they hate it!When I die I am going to come back as a giant mosquito and eat all the mosquito's so they never exist again!

  7. Mosquito bites tend not to make me itch anyway – I think that the number of times I've been bitten has made me immune.It's the buzzing… instant wake-up. I should really set it as an alarm tone…

  8. I had this for nights when I moved into my flat. About every half hour, like clockwork.Eventually, by staying up for half an hour in the dark, I realised that if I closed the door to the kitchen, I wouldn't hear the high pitched fridge motor start up, think it was a mosquito, and wake up just too slowly to find out where the sound came from.

  9. Leave you laptop on playing repeats of the WC football.That way, once you fall asleep to the joys of the vuvuzela, having a mosquito in the ear will sound exactly the same šŸ™‚

  10. Likely you'll have more sucess if you hit the darn thing with the sporay can that try to bring it down with the contents

  11. Can you not get plug in mozzie killers that work on any in the vicinity? That way you don't even need to lie in wait with spray.

  12. Suggest closing all your windows and doors, spray bug killer liberally around your flat, then go for a walk/a pint. The vapour should have dissipated by the time you get back. That ought to do the trick.

  13. any form of vitamin B – Marmite, Brewers yeast tabs, Berocca etcTake once a day – makes you smell bad [to a mosquito at least] Works for me – Berocca every day – rarely get bitten these days.

    Doesn't stop them waking you up though but they might stay further away if you are less tasty!

  14. Or you could just play a repeating sample with that noise, varying up and down a little like a mosquito does. Eventually, you'd ignore the noise, sleep, and get bitten.Making such a looped sample, though, is probably more work than just spraying the crap out of it.I find it amusing that you now have probably many dozens of people (myself included) awaiting the outcome of your titanic battle with a single insect about 1/10000th your size, and ready to cheer your victory :DYou ARE going to post a followup to this, right?

  15. IKEA has nice-looking but cheap bed nets. With a net over your bed you can leave your windows open. Even though the mosquitoes buzz they won't get close enough to your ears to wake you up.

  16. Your neighbourhood was notorious for the ague until early 1700's when they needed houses for the poor and drained those marshes that the river lee enjoyed.

  17. Another thought, Mosquitoes love to share their bounty and as your 'hood has large number of foreign born according to the latest stats that have been exposed and immune to blood borne diseases, one being malaria, thus prevention is better than the cure.

  18. I have a very effective solution to this problem – among others, such as spiders, flies, wasps, etc…A cat. :D–Also, I am technically allergic to cats, but after spending a few weeks with him, I'd built up some form of immunity. Within a couple of months, it was if I wasn't allergic at all. So that's no excuse for not getting one! šŸ˜‰

  19. Great blog – really enjoyed reading that, especially since I can relate to it so well! I can't go to sleep if ANYTHING is crawling/buzzing/flying in the bedroom. It has to either a) die or b) get the hell out of the house.I have spent many a night up for an hour or more trying to track down that fly/spider that might just land/crawl on my face when I'm sleeping and do something hideous… like lay eggs in my ear or mouth…. eurgh… šŸ™

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