Having Some Fun

The two women sit in the pub drinking heavily. One of them puts down the phone having called for her husband to come and walk her home.

She turns to the other woman and says, “I've going to have a laugh on the way home”.

“How's that”, the other replies.

“Well, I'm going to get halfway home and then 'discover' that I can't walk. So I'm going to throw myself on the floor and roll around like a two-year old having a temper tantrum”.

“Won't that get you dirty?”, the other woman says.

“Well, yeah, but that doesn't matter. I'm then going to wail at the top of my lungs – I won't be talking, just grunting groaning and making a noise.”

“Sounds like fun”, says her friend.

“That's not the best bit, because then someone is going to call for an ambulance, but not until after I've dug my fingernails into some good Samaritans who got too close”.

“Oh, you are so funny”.

“Then when the ambulance people turn up I'm going to keep doing this, then when they pick me up I'll try to pinch them and then yank the hand of one of them so hard that, even in a few days time, he'll have a painful wrist. Actually, he'll even find it painful to type all the way into Tuesday.”

Taking a gulp of her Bacardi and Coke the other woman asks, “But why will he be picking you up?”.

'Well, he'll be thinking that drunks don't normally act like this, so he'll be thinking that I might have had a fit (although no one will have witnessed it), or that I'm having a brain haemorrhage. I'll make sure that I'll get an ambulance man who tells any students he meets that 'alcohol doesn't protect you against other serious conditions'”.

“Very wise”, the other woman says, “Getting a sucker like that”.

“It gets better – when I get into the ambulance I'll start kicking the trolley in an attempt to break it, and sometimes I'll take a kick at the ambulance man”.

The other woman smiles, “Sounds like good times”.

“That's what I thought – what'll make it more fun is that I'll be sure to time the doctor realising that I've just been drinking and kicking me out so that the ambulance man sees it all”.

“Won't he be angry?”

“Yep – that's what makes it so much fun – because he can't say anything or I'll complain and he'l lose his job. And even better – he can't go off work sick to rest his wrist, because then he'll get disciplined for being sick”.

“Sounds hilarious – time for another before you leave?”.

—–

Yes. It did happen, although I doubt this was the conversation, it might have been the husband who commented on his wife's drunkenness and so she decided to prove that she wasn't 'drunk' she was 'ill'. That happens quite a bit as well.

All I know is that, as I was nursing my wrist with a makeshift icepack, there are some people who could probably benefit form having a good slapping.

But, of course, that would be wrong as she is a poor innocent flower, a victim of some terrible trauma. And I'm just the sucker that goes to look after them.

Still doesn't stop my wrist from hurting, while the only consequence she has to face is a hangover – and she call call an ambulance for that…

13 thoughts on “Having Some Fun”

  1. And still, I am appalled – yet why? It seems this behaviour is totally the norm. I hope your wrist gets better soon 🙁

  2. Tom, you are not a sucker.I know where you're coming from: she fooled you enough to hurt you, but that makes her a bad person, not you a sucker.

  3. Some people are just C U Next Tuesdays & always will be, I'm more concerned with “he can't go off work sick to rest his wrist, because then he'll get disciplined for being sick”Is that even if you get it seen by a doctor?

  4. Sickness within the NHS is above the national average, So action has been taken to reduce it.No account has been taken for the fact that we spend a lot of time stuck in a confined space with people who, by the very nature of the job, have contagious illnesses.

    We get back injuries from lifting (you can loose your job for not lifting), injured from assaults and when they cough over us we get chest infections.

    The sickness policy can be used in quite draconian ways and resembles a disciplinary policy.

  5. This is yet a further indictment that we have become a nation of coisseted fools.I confess to having comforted my son when he was violently sick after drinking too much. As he spoke to g-d on the big white phone, there was no issue regarding him being taken to hospital by ambulance. Instead my wife and I nursed him over 24 hours.

    Net result, he had a flea in his ear, and a wary respect for the actions of drinking to excess. In truth, I had thought I had done better as a parent in bringing up our children. Clearly not.

    If however that behaviour is adopted by my children and granddaughter, I can assure I will visit my wrath upon the little darlings.

    Sorry Tom. Bit of a rant there!

  6. I think you need something to scare them a little”She's fitting. I need to electroshock her brain. Pass me the jump leads and rev the engine!”

    Bingo, recovery.

  7. As I think my parents -like many others in the 60's- used to say “you'll know why you're crying in a minute!” SHame you couldn't say -and do- the same to this 'lady'.

  8. 'uman erectus do wot they do, because it brings them pleasure, not mine, and as it remains pleasurable, will continue to do so.I personally do not understand being blotto, I know there be truth in wino, but the pain the next morning and the money spent never has been pleasant along with the smell of vomit and as for a women it must be even worse not knowing who has been having fun at her expense must be even more upsetting.I do like some wine, just to loosen the tongue not the wallet.

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