In the absence of an 'instant sobriety' pill, a pill or injection that would instantly sober someone up (like Naloxone does to opioid use), I'm wondering if we should go the other way…
You see, I find myself taking drunks into A&E on a regular basis, once there they are given a nice soft trolley to lay on, some poor nurse to clean them up and often some IV fluids to counter the dehydrating effect of alcohol. This means that any hangover is prevented, or lessened.
Like rats who receive a pellet every time they push a lever, these drunkards know that they can drink to excess and the 'emergency' services will babysit them and make sure that they are fine in the morning.
And then we wonder why alcohol related calls are climbing by 12% every year.
I have two solutions.
First – being unable to instantly sober someone up, we should work on a pill that enhances the effects of a hangover while making any use of analgesia ineffective. By making the hangover worse we would be teaching these little alcohol sodden rats that drinking to excess is bad. Send them home sober but vomiting, with a headache and with aching joints.
Secondly – there should be enacted, in legislation, a new policy where – if you are drunk and incapable, any ambulance called to you is allowed to go through your pockets and take any money for themselves (or the ambulance service benevolent fund if that crew is feeling particularly charitable). Not only will this inspire the rats to keep some degree of sobriety, enough to defend themselves from the grasping hands of the ambulance service, but it will also remove some of the money that would no doubt only go on to be spent on alcohol.
It would also have the happy side effect of boosting my pay packet.
Please send the Nobel prize for medicine to the usual address.