Number Two In an Ongoing Series Of Parody

The Government has introduced new legislation forcing people who write letters to one another to provide a photocopied duplicate to the Post Office. The Home Office has stated that this will help protect the UK against terrorism, organised crime, illegal immigration and child pornography.

The new legislation has been squeezed through the EU government due to it being classified as 'commercial' rather than 'legal' thus needing only a majority vote rather than a unanimous decision.

Those in favour of the law waved around pictures taken during the 7/7 bombings suggesting that this 'commercial' undertaking will prevent a repeat attack.

The duplicated versions will be stored digitally and not, like medical notes, in unsecured corridors.

Access to the data collected will be regulated under the RIP Act which means that only people who have a genuine need will be able to check on the content of your post. A government spokesman said, “unlike previous, perhaps overzealous, applications of the RIP Act this time will be different, honest, I promise it will be. Just like this new law will also protect us against terrorists who use the post to spread their hate.”.

Rumours that will have to provide another copy to the government of every book and DVD they send out by post is unconfirmed.

Also unconfirmed is the thought that several terrorist groups have drunk cups of tea while planning their crimes, thereby needing emergency powers to stop the spread of this foul liquid*.


Really – go join the Open Rights Group. Even if you don't want to give them money, consider volunteering for them (I do when I can) They are fighting against stuff like this and our new head Jim Killock is mentioned in the original story that I'm (poorly) parodying.

*Joke ruthlessly stolen from the genius Douglas Adams.

9 thoughts on “Number Two In an Ongoing Series Of Parody”

  1. I think that the main problem with the drink known as “tea” is the high percentage of Dihydrogen Monoxide it contains.See the full facts on this dangerous chemical at-

  2. Ah yes, damn that dihydrogen monoxide…On a serious note though, I'm not intending to start an angry argument here, but personally I don't see the problem in my emails being copied to the Government / the Police. I don't send any emails that I'd be embarrased by if a third party read them – and if I was going to be writing such emails, then the knowledge that they would be read would almost certainly deter me from sending them.

    The zealous protection of music copyright does irritate me, but I am perfectly comfortable with surveillance – it may not stop terrorism, but it could help prevent / prosecute other crimes too.

  3. I am perfectly comfortable with surveillance – it may not stop terrorism, but it could help prevent / prosecute other crimes too.It doesn't, though. That's the problem. A friend of mine recently (along with half the other people in the street) had his car tyres slashed. Despite there being CCTV everywhere, none of it seemed to even have a hope of actually seeing the gang of neds doing all the tyres.

    Of course, the police were right round there within *hours* of it being reported, and got right to checking all the tax discs and tyre tread depths…

  4. One day every house will have a CCTV at the entrance/exit and on all the windows, should the inhabitants try to avoid the door cams.We will have to show the contents of all pockets and bags to the cameras and recharge our implanted tracking tags every day. (Except for politicians, who will be exempt. Even if they are known to be spies for foreign secret powers.)GPS will track our cars, our supermarket shopping will be recorded to ensure we all have a healthy diet. Every word we speak (nay, think) will be transmitted to the EGD (Eternal Giant Database). Any mental images will be analysed and any anti-social thoughts will mean our immediate disappearance.1984 is coming, it's just a bit late and over budget, which means it must have been planned by the government.

  5. Obviously nothing will completely cut out crime, but while the public is against CCTV it'll be harder for local councils to invest in it properly, and there'll be no market for better quality CCTV technology.And in fairness to the Police, unless the crime was being reported as it happened (you didn't say, if it was then I apologise), nothing much would have been achieved by turning up sooner.

    And what's the problem with checking tax discs etc? They're still offences too šŸ˜›

  6. No email professing love? No emails expressing displease with the government which then mean you end up getting moved from your house (as gerrymandering has been used in the past)? No email joking about a drunken night out? No email to a friend moaning about someone at work? No email to a family member explaining that a medical test came back positive/negative?No dodgy email sent to you by another person? No porn sent to you by a spam email? No email sent to you by a friend in confidentiality?

    I presume that you have net curtains on your windows to stop people looking in to see what you are doing? Why do this when you have nothing to hide?

    One question comes down to this, do you trust this *and all other future* governments not to misuse or lose the information?

    There are good mathematical reasons why this large-scale collection of data is worthless, and there are good ethical reasons as well.

    I wouldn't mind this data being collected if it were due to a Judge's warrant, but to cast this wide of a net is both ineffectual and I would suggest illegal – against the Human Rights Act and your right to a private life.

    And remember – you are paying the government to spy on you – because YOU might be a naughty person.

    I know I don't.

  7. Not trying to be picky but reading the article (not had time to read the directive itself) it states only the delivery & receipt address, same for phone calls ie no actual continent will be stored, I'm guessing this will be almost useless in a court BUT it will be great for the investigators to track back once the have found a culprit to link with others & bring into focus people which might have gone unnoticed before.Personally I see an over zealous out rage, spin & inflation of facts from opponents. This for me discredits there arguments & I cant see how it helps there cause.

    ps still love the blog, we cant all be cut from the same cloth

  8. I'm not ashamed of loving emails; I actually haven't disparaged the Government; I don't really get drunk; I honestly do my best not to moan about people… And surely no-one could accuse you of misdeeds for having illicit emails sent to you with no provocation?Touch with the point about net curtains though :p

    Perhaps I am a bit naive, but I do honestly trust the Government – but then, I believe in socialism, which I noticed on your 'about me' page you don't particularly like either šŸ˜›

  9. The new powers are not so much about the content (yet) as about establishing the connections and networks between peopleguilt by association.Your emails may not contain illicit or illegal content, but if you've been sending them to someone who is under investigation, or someone who is, in turn, in contact with someone under investigation then you will be investigated too.

    The records will show that you're part of their network, and you will then have to prove that your connection is innocent.

    As Dr Mohamed Haneef found in the wake of the London nightclub and Glasgow airport bombings, guilt by association is very hard to disprove.

    In my own case, my electronic records would show I'm in contact with radical animal rights activists, pro-Palestine activists, at least one member of the BNP, a number of Muslims (several of whom are very devout), a Jewish anarchist, and a couple of criminals.

    On the other hand, my electronic records would also show that I'm in contact with quite a few MPs and members of their teams, a grab-bag of police officers, soldiers and airmen, several solicitors, assorted movers and shakers in the media, and a judge. My electronic contacts even include people in Downing Street.

    On top of that, I'm also in electronic contact with hundreds of people of whom I have little background knowledge, so who knows what they do or are up to.

    Under the new laws, I'm going to look very interesting indeed to any investigator who happens to find me while trawling through the records.

    And by visiting this blog, I'm connecting all those people to Tom and, in turn, to you and every other person who reads this. Including you, StJohnMedic.

    Yes, it's all starting to look like a massive conspiracy…

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