It is a proven scientific fact that people who make hoax calls to the emergency services have much smaller than average penises.
Just thought you'd like to be made of that fact.
We had found ourselves on station, something of a rarity, and like all good emergency workers at 5am in the morning had dropped off to sleep within seconds of sitting down.
I'd like to say that I'd been asleep long enough for my drool to stick my face to the sofa that I was laying on, however in all honesty I tend to drool before I go to sleep.
But then, as is always the case, the activation phone went – we were being sent on a stabbing!
Of course I've given away the surprise twist to this story, I wouldn't be dealing with something interesting that actually required an ambulance, instead we would be driving up and down the road looking in vain for what I was hoping would be an interesting blogpost.
The thing that made us think that it was the genuine article is that there have been an ton of stabbings in my patch at the moment, probably, but not limited to, fallout over the boy who was stabbed to death a few streets down from our ambulance station.
For a while it seemed that everywhere we drove there would be police tape across the road, cordoning off another stabbing.
But not for us, no blue lighting to a trauma centre. Instead a search of the area and a message to Control of, 'Area searched, no trace'.
And then, the very next day, someone was stabbed to death around the corner.