I've just finished the fifth 12 hour shift of seven and am both tired and angry. It's been a slow build with very few 'worthy' jobs, the normal roster of drunk and people who can't be bothered to see a GP.
But I have a story of pure stupidity to entertain you.
A man brings his little child into A&E because she has suffered a very minor injury, not treatment required to be honest. While in the department he starts to feel unwell.
So he goes home.
And dials 999 and calls for an ambulance.
…Which he obviously gets, and is returned to the exact same department that he recently left.
I wonder how he can breathe and walk at the same time.
We do sometimes get people who turn up at the A&E department, decide that they don't want to wait, so go home and call an ambulance thinking that it will get them seen quicker. This is the first time that I've heard this particular variation on a theme.
My last job of the shift was for a drunk 16 year old girl who had called an ambulance because “She has drunk too much”.
So we whizz round to the hostel and find her just having vomited on her carpet. We start off being nice but she is obviously playing us around so I decide to be honest with her.
“Why did you call an ambulance?”, I ask.
“Because I don't feel well”, she replies.
“Why do you think that is?”
“Why do you think!”, she pretty much shouts at me.
“Is it because you drank too much alcohol?”, I remain polite throughout this questioning.
“Don't you think that ambulances have better things to do than pick up drunks?”, I venture.
“I mean, I should be going to dying babies and people having heart attacks shouldn't I?”
“No? Is that because you consider yourself the centre of the Universe and therefore much more important than other people?”
“More important than babies choking to death?”
“Yes – stop being rude!”
“I'm not being rude, I'm just asking some questions”
“Ok, please be comfortable on our trolley bed, but do try to stop spitting on the floor of the ambulance, I find it most disgusting”.
And then we took her to hospital where she will no doubt sleep it off on a comfortable hospital trolley before returning home and getting someone else to clean up the vomit burns to the carpet. But of course I was the one who had to mop out the ambulance where she had been spitting.
I do wonder why I do this job sometimes.