For Your Consideration… (Homeless Alcoholics)

…Are we so short of homeless alcoholics that we need to import them in from other countries?

…Why do they always have really poor tattoos?

…Cider.  Why?  Just why?

…Why can’t passers-by recognise them as drunk and not dead?

…For once, can you not paw at me as I walk you to the ambulance?

…After a year or two on the street, why do they all start to look like clones of one another?

…What is it about ambulances that makes them want to urinate in the back of them?

…Will you stop fighting each other?  Just for a bit. Please?

…However, when you do get one in the back of the ambulance, they are really good for taking the blame for any farts you might do.

19 thoughts on “For Your Consideration… (Homeless Alcoholics)”

  1. Had a bit of dribble p*ss come out as I laughed, reading your blog Tom.Fabulous absolutely fabulous (the blog, not the dribble)

  2. What is the solution to this problem, or to drunkeness as a whole? It seems that the ambulance service and the hospitals have taken over the responsibility for picking up and sobering up drunks, presumably because the police don't want to get sued if something goes wrong.I don't know the answer- any suggestions?

  3. Possible answers to questions: We don't deliberately import them. Some come here expecting the land of milk and honey and find it's just sh*t. Poor people can only afford poor tattoos because they become poor by spending all their cash on booze. Cider is the most cost effective way to get bladdered. It's dirt cheap and you need less to get in said state. People are not all trained to know how to separate a bozzy coma from a death. It's good to see some still take the time to care enough to want to help. They paw because they're drunk and those in this state are either super friendly or super aggressive. Which is better? Maybe they all have the same father. They ever smell like each other too. They would get arrested for urinating in the street. A casualty unit is much more comfortable than a police cell and you meet lots of interesting people. As per point five. Either super friendly or they want to kill each other.As regards farting, can you tell the difference between a bum burp and a follow through?

  4. The only one of those I could answer is the cider one. I asked one of our residents who is a big fan of the stuff (used to be an approx about 4 litres a day fan of the stuff). He said it's because it's as cheap as anything, is the only thing that comes in handy 2 litre bottles saving you the trouble of returning to the off licence later in the day and gets you as pissed as a newt quickly. Nice.

  5. >Why cant passers-by recognise them as drunk and not dead?>I totally agree. Going out for a “cardiac arrest” and find a very smelly drunk person who spent the whole time to insulting you when you had crossed the whole city as speedy as possibile it's not pleasant!

  6. Beautiful – this has been printed off and left in various ambulance stations and hospital breakrooms.

  7. 'Getting sued' is one sort-of reason… see my response to Tom's post 'A Late Job' just below for a fuller explanation of this, but no real answers. Unfortunately, 'drunk tanks' would require proper funding and resourcing. What chance do we think that that will be forthcoming… despite all the taxation going to the treasury from tax on the booze.:-(

  8. Why are drunks called in as dead?Usually it's shopkeepers or property owners who do this. “Well, he looked dead to me” is at least vaguely plausible providing the drunk isn't snoring, and corpses are picked up almost as quickly as the profuse bleeders. When they turn out not to have actually completely gone off the use of other people's oxygen, they're nevertheless whisked away to — and this is the important bit — somewhere else.

  9. ” People are not all trained to know how to separate a bozzy coma from a death.”Let's face it – no one wants to get close enough to find out!

  10. I've been reading your blog for, oh, five minutes now and I'm depressed. I've gotten sort of used to hearing the same stories about the same types of patients from people in other EMS systems in the US. Really, it's all interchangeable from city to city.What's depressing it that you are an ocean away and it's the same. You and I could swap places and other than the funny accents and spelling, we'd be able to step right into the jobs. The homeless, the “off job” which we can an “out call”, filthy houses, stupid people, it's all the same.

    Somehow that's sad and reassuring at the same time.


  11. Oh heavenly days…I have four kids and that sounds like my house some days. :DYou really made me chuckle that time!

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