Strangeness During The Night

A couple of minor things happened during my last set of nights that I found vaguely amusing.  It’s Christmas eve.  I’m working.  So this is as good as it gets.

Oh…and the next blogger who posts how they are having a holiday from both work and blogging gets my size twelves up their bum.  I’m still bleedin’ working!


I was driving home from a particularly busy nightshift, when I saw that someone had written something in the dirt covering a van.  ‘hic magne’.  Is that Latin, I thought?  It only took me five minutes to realise that I had misread the writing.  It actually said ‘chick magnet’.


Picture the scene, I’m in front of a *ahem*, ‘large’ man with breathing difficulties.  So I thrust my hand, and stethescope up the back of his workshirt to listen to his chest.

He has a (sweaty) back that is hairier than most dogs.  Lovely.


I was sent to a ‘fall from height’, the patient had apparently fallen out of a second floor window.  So why was I climbing up four flights of stairs to reach him?  Because the patient’s actual injury was that he had been bouncing on the marital bed, and had hit his head on the ceiling.  The whole ‘fall from height’ bit was purely because the patient didn’t have the world’s best command of English.

Nice enough fellow mind, with a bit of a graze on the head that had been bleeding a bit.


“Control”, I call down the radio, “My navigation has failed, I don’t know where this nightclub is supposed to be.  Any chance of help finding it?”.

“Sure”, comes the reply, “I think my colleague frequents that particular dive”. 

A pause…

“Yes, she knows where it is, you’re miles away”.

“Sorry Control”, I reply, “I haven’t been to a nightclub in years, and never one around here”.

9 thoughts on “Strangeness During The Night”

  1. Merry Christmas Tom. I love reading this blog and can't wait for it to be brought out as a book.I hope that you have a Calm christmas. (Didn't want to mention the Q word.)

  2. if it helps… to all intents and purposes, I get paid for being in a large amount of pain and not being able to do everything I should be able to do. I'm not getting time off that for Christmas either.They're also not giving time off to my wonderful friends and family who keep me smiling, make sure I get a hot meal inside me once a day, and so on. So can we borrow your size 12s?

    Sweaty hairy man made me *boik* though. I think you have the sticky end of the stick.

  3. Happy Christmas Tom! Congratulations on your book and I hope the New Year brings you all that you could wish for (less obnoxious patients maybe??!)

  4. I don't have a blog, but suffice to say if I did, I wouldn't be blogging about how I've got the festive season off. I'm on a nightshift tonight, finishing at 7am tomorrow morning. Christmas Day is going to be caffeine fuelled, I think.

  5. It's 01:10 Christmas morning, and I'm awake .. The 'on call' phone has gone off for the x time this weekend. Hope you have a calm shift Tom. (see I'm awake enough not to use the q word). All the best. …and I'm with you over the club

  6. 'Hic magne', lovely stuff… Used to live on the cusp of Catford and Forest Hill, occasionally enjoyed visiting Catford dogtrack for the cheap amusement of 50p punts and almost-as-cheap pints, but was more often amused by the faulty lighting at the entrance, which rendered 'Catford Stadium' as the less-impressive 'Catfo dium'.'Catfo dium', hmm… sounds Latin…

    'Seize the dog', I reckon… Perfect fit…

    Have a top, top Christmas, somehow, regardless of this world's woes and w… idiots….

    Best of to you and yours…

  7. I think I heard the radio call about the “fall from height”. If it's the same one, the controller was trying not to laugh and failing while he was cancelling hems.

  8. Well, I think my report was something along the lines “Don't send HEMS it's a load of tosh”, or something similar.All the while I was panting, being out of breath lugging my kit up all those stairs, and having the patient and his relative talking loudly to me in a mix of Polish and English.

    I didn't think it would be much when I turned up and didn't see him splatted outside the building…

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