Seven Witnesses

Ambulance and Police VanI get sent to a job “Female 14, collapse in back of police van”.  Nothing suspicious about that, we often get people collapsing when they are being arrested/evicted/give final notice/have the repossession people around.

So there they are, in the say in a side turning just off a main road.  I park up and can tell from the relaxed attitude of the police that it’s probably nothing too serious.  One look at the patient confirms this – she’ll have to go to hospital (to protect everyone against being sued), but she is fine.  I examine her vital signs and everything seems to be normal.

The ambulance turn up and I’m just handing over the information about the patient when a woman in a SUV decides to turn down the now blocked side turning.  Realising that she isn’t going to fit between ambulance and police van, she starts to reverse.

The ambulance crew, the four police officers, the patient and myself can all see what is going to happen next.

“STOP!”, shouts the policeman

“Stop!”, shouts (slightly less loud) one of the ambulance crew.

“Oh dear…”, I whisper under my breath.

*CRUNCH* goes the (slightly battered) SUV against an absolutely pristine vintage Jaguar.

“FUCK!”, goes the driver of the Jaguar, quite understandably I feel.

“You muppet”, mutters the police officer.

If you listen carefully you might hear a little snigger from someone on the ambulance side of the seven witnesses of this act of ‘Driving without due care and attention’.

Not from me…obviously.

The patient goes into the back of the ambulance, and I’m left chatting to one of the policemen.

“I bet”, I say, “She doesn’t have any insurance…”.

“Well”, he replies, “It seems that half the people around here seem to think it’s optional”. (Point 4 on the link – Although it wouldn’t surprise me to think that 50% of all car stops have no insurance).

So I have a little eavesdrop, and sure enough, she has no insurance.  The driver tries to get angry at the police, but this soon vanishes when she realises exactly how much trouble she is in.

(In the great scheme of things, not *that* much, but enough to cause her some serious anguish).

The police officer spends the next ten minutes rolling his eyes as he contemplates the paperwork he will have to do.

I try to cheer him up by telling him that he has personally successfully detected two crimes.

I don’t think it worked…

33 thoughts on “Seven Witnesses”

  1. Arghgh don't get me started on those women who drive those massive cars because they can't drive and they think they'll be safer in a bigger car when they inevitably crash it.We had an accident last year when such a person couldn't see our small car because she was so high up, and didn't bother looking both ways before pulling out of a junction, and went smack into the side of our vehicle. Then had the cheek to try to claim it as knock for knock. She didn't get away with it.

    I still seethe when I see these stupid people poncing around in these fuel guzzling vehicles, putting other people at risk with their incompetance and selfishness.


  2. According to the last stats I saw, they _are_ safer in the big SUVs — as long as they hit a small car. Two small cars colliding are safer than two SUVs colliding, though. So the net effect of driving an SUV “for safety” is that you are safer as long as other people don't do the same thing. If they do, everyone is less safe.A classic case of Prisoners Dilemma, actually…

  3. There are 2 different types of safety, Active Safety and Passive Safety. gas Guzzling SUVs are well known for their passive safety, the safety is primarily provided by the fact that they're so big, the can easily absorb the impact of many other smaller vehicles.Small vehicles traditionally have much better active safety otherwise known as being able to “Get the F**K out of the way”, however, this is very dependent on the driver's ability and concentration levels.

    Given the co-ordination many of these people demonstrate, in both their driving, and parking. I don't think active safety will be of any use to them. Many of the problems come from people driving these large cars, but not actually having any previous experience driving something of that size – and expecting it to work exactly the same as a normal (small) car.

    It both irritates me, and amuses me. I still need to get around to printing a load of stickers which say “Learn to park – muppet”, so that I can stick them on any particularly bad offenders.

  4. lol, sounds like one of those situations where you know exactly what is going to happen next, and then can't help but say I told you so! I can't believe people drive expensive cars into other expensive cars – without insurance!.I think the safest way to drive the road is in one of these! Shame about the speed though… πŸ˜›

  5. I love this idea! I live in a market town in the middle of an agricultural area where most 4x4s are driven by working farmers – but I've just forwarded the link to many friends in UK cities.

  6. This explains why bus drivers Know No Fear.The worst offender I ever met was Bernie, who drove the double decker that was used for ferrying sixth-form students between the high schools and the college in this town (we had a scheme for pooling resources). He was truly terrifying. It wasn't unknown for him to get the thing onto two wheels while going round a roundabout, and his swearing echoed throughout the vehicle too.

  7. I agree, if more handsome young men in uniform drove around the city in one of those the world would be a much sexier safer place

  8. Does muppet mean idiot or something else? (I'm a reader from the US)Insurance is a great concept. In my state you can't register a car without showing proof of insurance. Sadly this isn't true everywhere here. However, you still have to get the company to pay.


  9. Ooooh, so this is what it'd be like if The Bill and Casualty did a cross over show. Or if random reality met coppersblog.

  10. Muppet means fool, twit, daft, that sort of thing.4x4s really annoy me. I live in a city but work 20 miles away, and I get there using a bicycle and public transport. Chances are, if someone drives too close to me, it is someone in a shiny clean off-road vehicle.

  11. Call me picky, but:

    The ambulance crew, the four police officers, the patient and myself

    = 2 + 4 + 1 + 1 = 8 witnesses, not 7?


    Not that it would make much difference…

  12. I beg to differ Reynolds – it sounds so much better said with a proper northern accent. especially a yorkshire one!

  13. Pity the poor jaguar driver. I guess if she's got no insurance, he's got no way of fixing his car except out of his own pocket.

  14. Oh no chromer (or softroader) does it again, giving us 4X4 drivers a bad name.i hate these people that buy offroaders that dont get muddy or the only time they go off the black stuff is parking half on half off a grass curve. i dont know if anyone has noticed, the bigger, chromed or shinny the offroader the more smaller/ weak the kid trying to get in or out of it without falling.

    as for the tickets, (thanks for the site adress) i did not know there was rules for them. I wished the eco muppet that stuck one on my defender, that was covered up the door handers in mud and other offroading dirt. and had ropes, strops, hi lift, hand winch, and other offroading bits in clear view. and left the never been offroad VW Toareg without, had read the rules.

    in short , fashionroads get something you can drive.

    sorry for the rant but it get me wound up.

  15. Well, we know that the culprit does own a few thousand quids' worth of SUV that could be sold to help pay for repairs to the Jag if she doesn't have any savings or other assets.Sueing her personally is more hassle than just dealing with insurance companies, but his odds are much better than if he'd been hit by your typical teenage moron driving a tricked-out rustbucket.

  16. Superb. I am printing off the one specific for my area of London to stick on the neightbours 4X4 (a house of 2 adults and 3 children has 4 cars!!! One is a honking great 4×4, one is a 1950's American beast that must do about 2 miles to the gallon).I do understand their need for the 4×4 though.. Notting Hill is a big old hill you know… *rolls eyes*

  17. Now this is something that really pisses me off.We own a freelander and a defender, and we live in the middle of the sodding countryside. My dad uses his defender for work, as he has to drive around fields, hills etc. It is hardly ever clean. He also uses my mum's freelander sometimes for easier jobs.

    My mother is disabled, and needs a larger car to get in and out of because she has rheumatoid arthritis, and had to trade her fiesta in, as it was easier to climb in than to drop in, due to her arthritic hips and knees.

    The first time we took the freelander into a city in Yorkshire, and it had only just been washed I might add, some tit stuck one of these signs on our car. My father was absolutely fuming. Our car is actually quite economic when you work it out, and isn't used to take the kids to school. A lot of people around where I live have a 4X4 as you really couldn't manage in anything smaller.

    To make matters worse, my mum's disabled badge was displayed in the window, and we were parked in a disabled parking bay.

    So for god's sake, before you go around sticking these badges on people's cars, look for reasons why people may need a larger car, and dont be a twat


  18. Now we could open a whole new can of worms by suggesting that a larger or sturdier car being needed because of living surrounded by fields, or working, is a better reason than “because I like to go find a field to drive it on at a weekend and drive it on tarmac the rest of the time”…

  19. My dad needs his defender for work, and my mum needs hers because of her disability. Her disabled badge was on display – how much simpler could the need be

  20. Sad but true:- women are more spacially challenged than men, especially in reverse. 'Muppet' – idiot – gormless but carries a degree of condescension as in man talking to woman or adult to child. No?Pat

  21. yes, I know, I get that. Those are genuine reasons. The contrast is between people like your parents, and the people who believe they are justified in driving a gas-guzzling 4×4 around the city all week, because at the weekends they go and guzzle yet more gas as part of their hobby of driving around a field when they've no need to do so. But they get muddy. And getting muddy makes all the difference. It's okay to consume vast amounts of petrol you don't need to use if you get muddy…

  22. Don't get me started on this!! My step dad was nearly knocked off his motorbike by a driver who claimed she hadn't seen him. Dispiste he was at the roundabout first, she pulled up next to him – straddling 2 lanes – and didn't bother to indicate. My step-dad's passenger got a bruise on her leag where the car bumped into them. The silly cow (I have used stronger words to describe her) said she hadn't seem him and that she was having a stressful day!! How much more stressful would her day have been if my dad and his passenger had have been knocked off the bike?!!!! She also had the audacity to try and blame him!!! (Sorry, that's my rant for the day, now nothing but nice, happy thoughts for the rest of the day)

  23. When living in Hull I had the “luck” to be on the bus that went down the wrong side of the dual carriageway, as the correct side was jammed with traffic following an accident.The driver decided he'd be better off getting there “on time”, even though I suspect he had to hose the bus out afterwards from the number of people who shat themselves on that journey…

  24. If only the ambulance and police hadn't blocked the road in the first place, Then this wouldn't have happened!She doesn't get my sympathy for not having insurance!

    My wife wants a SUV as well, haven't given in yet!

    The Driving Instructor

  25. “I try to cheer him up by telling him that he has personally successfully detected two crimes”Heh, no he hasn't, neither the careless driving nor the no insurance require a crime report, hence not being a 'crime' meaning that all the officer has to show for it is a shitload of paperwork with no thanks or recognition from anyone.

    Sorry – cynical head off. πŸ™‚

  26. Oh, there's plenty of ways. He can sue the driver of the SUV, and will almost certainly win given the simplicity of the case and the crowd of witnesses. This is the best way because then the muppet has to pay for it. Might even have to sell the SUV, which really would be justice.There's also a fund run by the motor insurance bureau for compensating victims of uninsured or untraceable drivers.

  27. Oh my god. i could not imagine what i would do if this happened to me. All the more, i find it a bit disturbing that someone was able to say that apparently people think insurances are no longer needed. Either we all invest on this for that rainy day or we get ourselves highly reliable Brake Pads to prevent such things from happening.

  28. Yes. I would have to agree. I do not know if this is becoming a problem simply because of the people out on the streets, or if this is something that stems from the shortcomings of the automotive industry and car manufacturers. Naturally accidents like this would keep on happening if for example the Brake Pads of a particular vehicle are faulty.. who then is to blame?

Leave a Reply to Anonymous Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *