Strange Thoughts

Back to work tonight for a run of four night-shifts.  I’m hoping that my Muse isn’t delayed at customs as I fully intend that a run of nights will drag here back from her holiday.

Is it wrong to hope for an ‘interesting’ job, when it means someone is going to get hurt?

It has reached the time of year where, when I am on nights, I turn into a vampire – I will be leaving the house when it is dark, and will (hopefully) be returning before sunrise.  If I had blackout curtains, then I would not see any sunlight at all.  When I was working permanent nights as a nurse, I did have blackout curtains, and the department had no windows.

After a year of this, my skin was the envy of every Goth within 50 miles.

A quick update on my mother – as you may recall, I got you folks to bully her into visiting her GP about a suspicious-looking mole, she has seen her GP, been sent to the hospital, and the doctor there has scheduled it to be removed on Wednesday.  The doctor at the hospital didn’t like the look of it, so once more – thanks for bullying my mum.

She surprised and delighted me yesterday when she showed off her knowledge of what a Ferengi is…(We were talking about Lord Adonis at the time).

The ‘music to listen to while driving like a nutter’ comment thread has kicked up some interesting ideas – I think I shall be trialling most of the music that has been suggested (obviously via legal MP3 download sites).  There were some classic tunes that I had forgotten about, and already own, so I’ll be burning a ‘Racing’ CD in the very near future…

With night shifts, comes my head doing strange things to me.  For example – I’ve just woken up after thinking about my father.

CAUTION: Introspective wanky writing ahead – You have been warned.

The short version of my history with my father is that he left home when I was around fourteen (my brother was around twelve), and married another woman (without divorcing my mother first – an oversight on his part, he is after-all barely literate).  Since then I haven’t seen or heard from him, which was a bit strange as the split between mum and him wasn’t acrimonious.

So my attitude toward him has basically been ‘Fuck him’, it appears that he wanted us out of his life as quickly as possible, and he has succeeded admirably on that point.

So…why was I thinking about how I’d love to meet with him, tell him how excellent my life is?  I’d love to let him know that my brother is an excellent teacher and is getting well paid for his work.  I’d love him to see how his walking out on us only freed both my brother and I to go on to do things that we love doing.  I’d love to show him how relaxed and chilled out my mother is now.  I’d love someone to read this blog out to him, so that he could know that I’m doing better without him in my life.

Actually…I wonder if he is still alive?

So – for one moment after not thinking about him for years, I’d love to rub his nose in how good my family and I have it now he isn’t on the scene.

I’ve told you that night-shifts tend to break my head…

I promise – ambulance based posts only for the next week or so

29 thoughts on “Strange Thoughts”

  1. Reminds me of the time when, after months of mentally beating myself up over the guilt of ending my marriage and the effects it would have on the kids, etc. I overheard the eldest, then 7, saying to his friend “since my daddy left home the house is full of smiles”. I realised then that it had been the best move for all of us.

  2. I work 8-5 and in a couple of days I'll be leaving the house when its dark and coming back when its dark. I'll be lucky to see sunlight too. So its not just you.Although I get to see some “light” though the tinted windows they let us have here.

  3. Is it wrong to hope for an interesting job, when it means someone is going to get hurt?You're not hoping that someone gets hurt just so you can have an interesting job. Someone, somewhere in London, will get hurt anyway, in such a way as to create an interesting job for you or one of you're colleagues. You're just hoping that fate chooses you to be sent to that interesting job, rather than the maternataxi or whatever. So no, I wouldn't say that's wrong…

  4. Hi Tom first time i thought i would drop a post having been reading your blog for a while now and even went into the archives!. To be honest i myself have had the same thoughts about my dad after he walked out on us when i was sixteen and i wanted to do the same thing just tell him how great my life is but now.. Couldnt be bothered stuff him. Keep up the bloggingDom

  5. too right – life with my father around was miserable, life after he left was so much better. Having just one parent, but a good parent is better than having one good parent who is constantly undermined by a bad parent.*re-reads*

    I hope that makes sense.

  6. Yay successful life, yay mum getting mole removed, yay music, and what the hell, yay being a vampire!As long as you don't *really* think you're a vampire.

  7. It makes complete sense – And I agree wholeheartedly.(Plus there is a certain pride in saying I come from a single-parent family).

  8. They let you have windows?You lucky, lucky *expletive deleted*.

    Of course that was reason #243 why I left nursing and joined the LAS…

    Fresh air…


  9. What is a 'break'? We don't have such things in the LAS.Instead we have 'running bent' – meaning that we are sneakng around to get some grub without Control finding out.

    Bit difficult these days mind you…

  10. *Must remember to post about the 'vampire' I treated*I could never be a vampire, I can't stand the sight of blood…

  11. Surely work doesn't define you Tom? There are many other aspects about you as a person which make up the total. Hence you speaking about your father in this post.I for one, enjoy all your posts, whether they be about the day-to-day life of your job, the type of music you listen to, or your thoughts on your father.

    You're a great writer – and have a fascinating, thoughtful and humourous insight into the world. Please don't feel obliged to always talk about your work – at least, not on our account.

    Hope the nightshifts go well – with all my nightshoots, I too know what its like. Ugh.

    The Girl

  12. You are a good guy – I doubt you could give up complete hope on anybody. Maybe, when you have too much dreaming time, you just wish for him to give you the chance to forgive him; show the adult you a bit of recognition.Life's too short and all that.

    So glad your mum is having that mole sorted!


  13. I grew up in a single-parent household, and I could never understand the goo-goos (we have a lot of them here in the US) who maunder on about how vital it is for kids to have two parents. Sure, two people who care about you may be even better than one. Three are probably better yet. While we're at it, why not legislate mandatory extended families? But one who cares is all you need, and the peace of no fighting is beyond price.As for wanting your dad to see how well you've done, it makes perfect sense to me. Although, if he was the type to understand anything, he probably would have done it by now.

  14. I'm pleased to hear your Mum's on top of things. &nbsp &nbsp ;-DI think it makes perfect sense to want to show those people who voluntarily leave our lives how well we're doing despite (or because of?) their absence – whether they're parents or ex-lovers.

    You *are* doing well, TomR, and you should be proud of yourself, your life, and your family. Also, you have some really great friends. (Counting myself among them, natch! &nbsp &nbsp :-D)

  15. I only Wish my father had gone, only Hoped my mother had kicked him out. Instead they are still together and miserable and I don't talk to either one. Mine is a largely illiterate bastard too.But life ain't fair and living well is the best revenge. Bravo.

  16. So glad my namesake has done the right thing and trust all will be well. You and your brother must be a great comfort to her and she has done brilliantly to bring up two lovely sons. I can't help being nosey – it's in my genes:- three times you have mentioned “my muse”. Have I missed something?

  17. I was taking the wee.I love the sight of other people's blood. It means I'm possibly on a 'proper' job.

    But to be honest I don't see much blood at all, as it's mainly chest pain, Difficulty in breathing and bellyaches I go to.

  18. Oh yes, my work does define me… Pretty much totally as well. I am in all accounts rather a dull person.Be careful what you wish for, or I'll start posting about the trouble I have getting motivated to clean my oven…

  19. My Muse is just what I call the bit of my brain than inspires me to post. Sometimes I just can't think of anything interesting to write about.Normally when I'm not at work. As soon as I sit behind the wheel of an ambulance, I start to think of tings.

    Thus I'm trying to be all clever in saying that I can't think of anything to post about.

  20. knowing how domesticated we all are (*waves to Jeannie*), I'm going to offer my best ever blood Tip, gained when I had a flatmate who used to suddenly and unexpectedly get the most appalling nosebleeds, which is:Rinse anything bloodstained in COLD water rather than hot water. Hot water will only set the blood rather than get it out.

  21. Yep, that's the advice I give to people who have a load of blood around the place.Also to never use alcohol on it – otherwise you'll be scrubbing for hours.

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