Or…”The reason why Barking road will be closed for an hour or two”.
* If you have broken your arm and leg, please don't wave them around, as the sight of your bones trying to protrude through the skin isn't a pretty one.
* If the nice ambulance man puts your neck in a hard c-spine collar and tells you to stop waving your head around – listen to him. Broken bones heal, broken necks can be a bit more final
* Do try to get hit down a side road – if you get hit in a main road, then the disruption to traffic will be a lot worse.
* If your 'friends' say that they saw everything and will be at the hospital, try to have the sort of friends who will actually turn up there, and not just think better of it and bugger off to whatever hole they crawled out from.
* Yes, I know your arm and leg is broken, but seriously – keep your neck still.
* If you don't want me to know your name that's OK. Just make sure you carry some identification in your wallet.
* Having a shaven head makes it really easy to spot a head injury, thanks for that.
* Loose clothing is really easy to cut off. Please dress appropriately.
Why the flippancy? Lets just say that he and his friends are “well known” to the local police, and to the odd ambulance crew. Also, you want to know how we deal with nasty trauma? Dark humour…