Not Just Men.

In a way to return the ‘linky love’ as well as to continue the theme – I direct you to this posting from Mr. Ells. (NSFW)  I’ll leave it up to the reader to question “why?”.

Mum deodorantSo far I have only written about the men who have presented themselves to me with objects d’arse, but this isn’t solely a male preoccupation.  Women also have suffered from the lack of judgement that leads to putting things where they shouldn’t go.

Women seem to stay away from the ecologically sound option of carrots, or even vibrators.

Instead they go for the deodorant bottle, or, and this is slightly scary, glass bottles.

Lynx Roll-onAnd of the three deodorant bottles I’ve seen up a womans back passage “Mum” was the number one, while the other was a Lynx roll-on style deodorant.

Actually, there was one man who claimed to have ‘fallen’ backward onto a roll-on bottle, luckily for him, there was a Surgical House Officer who had really small hands, and was able to work it loose without the need for the patient to go to theatre.

As a quick side-note – given that vacuuming, cleaning, decorating, dancing or watching the TV naked has such a high incidence of people falling over and accidentally having object inserted anally – shouldn’t the government have some for of public service broadcast?

As mentioned earlier, the other attractive choice is beer bottles, obviously if this were to break while in-situ there could be very serious complications.  I think that the two or three people who have presented to me with a glass bottle inserted were all lucky in that the doctors managed to get the bottle out without tearing the patient’s lower colon to shreds with broken glass.

Why do people do these things?

Tomorrow I shall tell you about the second most insane person I ever looked after, and the things that she did to herself, and the way she made my day really complicated.

22 thoughts on “Not Just Men.”

  1. jeesus christ, that is not suitable for anyone's viewing, never mind work or home! OMG!Oh, speaking of bad jokes:

    A man walks into superdrug and says to the pharmacist ' excuse me, have you got any KY jelly?'

    To which the pharmacist replies ' sorry, we don't sell it, have you tried boots?'

    At which the man responds ' jesus christ, I wanted to slide in, not bloody march in!'

  2. My friend's mother is a psychiatric nurse and had to take a particular patient to casualty on a regular basis as she used to hide a full set of cutlery – knife, fork, spoon and teaspoon up her proverbial. Very bizarre.

  3. I read your blog daily at work, and enjoy doing so.I clicked the link in this post to Mr Ellis' post, and the picture I saw was not the type I should view at work!

    This is a plea to suggest that such links are marked 'Not Safe For Work' or NSFW in the future please, so I dont run the risk of retribution here at work.


  4. People do these things because they think they'll be labelled a filthy pervert if they walk into their local sex shop and announce in a unembarrassed voice that they'd like their largest butt plug, please.

  5. GF has a point (although beer bottles are still an insane choice).The most impressive orifice story I've heard was a bloke my friend operated on, who had a razor blade stuck in his urethra.

  6. I think you'll find that it SAFE for work. Anyway the subject seams close to the heart of the paramedic. What has he shoved up his jacksie lately?

  7. Apologies, I normally do mark such things – however I either seem to have forgot, or just didn't consider the picture that bad.The posting has been updated

  8. …while they realise that medical staff are *much* too professional to laugh about their misadventures with a rubber duck.(at least in front of them).

  9. How? How do you get a razor blade into a urethra?!!I don't really want to know, but still…how? And why?

    Some people might find carrots pleasurable but why would anyone want to stuff a razor blade up there?

    That's freaked me out for the day.


  10. Ha ha ha of course I know the difference.. actuallyIf I were unemployed I would have found a new job now (regarding all those spelling mistakes here:-)

  11. If there's a link from a blog post which is about putting foreign bodies up anuses, how naive does one have to be to not expect it to show a picture that is unsuitable for an office environment?a) pretty naive

    b) very naive

    c) extremely naive

    d) dysfunctionally naive

  12. I'm dreadfully sorry, it took me a little while to find this one, but now I have just got to post this joke, apologies if you have heard it before, but I thought it most appropriate:The blonde and the pharmacist

    A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for a bottom deodorant. “Sorry, we don't sell bottom deodorant” the pharmacist replies, struggling to keep from laughing.

    “But I always buy it here”, the blonde says. “I bought one last month”. Thinking quickly, the pharmacist suggests, ” I don't know what you bought before, may be you can bring in the empty container next time”. “Sure”, the blonde replies. “I'll bring it with me tomorrow”

    The next day, the blonde walks into the shop again and hands the pharmacist an almost empty deodorant stick. “This is just a normal deodorant”, the pharmacist tells the blonde, “You use it under your arms”.

    “No, it is not”, the blonde answers, “it says so here: To apply, push up bottom”.

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