How can I best tell you about my night?
Shall I tell you about how I kept my cool when I found out that I had been waving my (ungloved) hand through my patient's vomit?
Instead should I write about the alcoholic couple who called for me because one of them had had piles (hemorrhoids) for the past couple of years – and then started arguing amongst themselves?
How about the despair I feel when I keep turning up to the same nursing home, for patients who are always given as 'not eating', yet when I turn up the patient is about as close to death as you can get? How the 'nursing' staff seem surprised that the patient has so 'suddenly' deteriorated? Or how the 'nurses' are so thick they can't tell I'm being angry/sarcastic at them?
How about being called to the family that are shouting at each other in some foreign language (I so hate being left out of an argument), while the son thinks he is having a heart attack, when he is actually just having a panic attack?
Should I divulge how I turned up to one of our (very) frequent callers, asked her if she wanted an ambulance to take her to hospital, and when she said yes – told her to stay in the phone box she was using to call us while I waited for the ambulance in the car?
What about my being sent to a job waaaay outside my area (1 year old with a belly ache), only to find an ambulance there first? Then needing to arrange for the mother to return from the party she is at to look after the other four children in the house? Perhaps I could mention that she didn't believe that it was the ambulance service that was phoning her at the party?
Or maybe, just maybe I should just write about being nearly in tears watching the poor people that Comic Relief is trying to help – people who would be blissfully happy to have half the chance of the idiots that I go to?
It's a bit embarrassing to start welling up when you are sitting in a messroom, surrounded by other ambulance crews