Nights (Sleep)

Sleep becomes very important to you, actually it becomes the most important thing in your life for a while. You become obsessed about getting enough sleep, about getting the right quality of sleep, and about your neighbours deciding that today is the day they are going to drill 1000 holes in the wall separating their home from your bedroom.
You need thick curtains, especially when it is summer – you need to keep light out. Trying to sleep when it is light, or even worse, during a heatwave is incredibly difficult. Luckily for me we tend not to have heatwaves in London, actually we don't have much light either.

Good sleep is essential – and interrupted sleep can turn you into a homicidal maniac. The times my telephone has woken me up only to be met with a recorded telesales message is beyond a joke. One day I will hunt them all down and stab them in the eyes with a sharpened pencil – I think my defence of justifiable homicide would work so long as the jurors are fellow

shift workers. If some tinker wants to ring my doorbell to try and sell me a carpet and gives me a dirty look when, bleary-eyed, I open the door at 1pm in pyjamas – then I think my ever-so-slightly sharp tone might be excused.

21 thoughts on “Nights (Sleep)”

  1. There's nothing like being woken when sleeping off the fourth of seven nights to find it's Jehovah's Witnesses or similar.”Oh. Did we get you out of bed?”

    *cocks gun*


  2. The telemarketing has gotten so bad, I just turn off the ringer or unplug the phone. If its someone important or work, they have my mobile number. That stays on by the bed. That way I can generally get a good bit of sleep.For some reason the light doesn't bother me, and I actually think I tend to sleep deeper in the morning – afternoon then at night.

    Also, a god set of aluminum Blinds with a moderately thick curtian block light wonderfully and don't look quite as gothic as heavy curtains. The cheap vinyl blinds are worthless.

  3. Get some earplugs! They worked for me when I worked nights… and not the “I need to sleep at night” you get from Boots or wherever, you want the “I'm working with really noisy power tools” kind you'd get from B&Q or similar… Nothing gets through those!

  4. After 6 calls from one particular double glazing sales company asking us if we wanted double glazing (no – we've just had it put in), or a conservatory (we're in a first floor flat!!!) we registered with Telephone Preference Service (0845 070 0707) which means that companies cannot make cold calls to your number. Free of charge and well worth it! (but it doesn't stop the credit card company/bank/mortgage providers calling you to see if you're “happy with their services” and while you're on the phone can I tell you about our new service …..)Front door I can't help with – unless you take the batteries out of the doorbell and leave a message on the front door saying “use the doorbell”.


  5. I actually do know someone who became homicidal because the neighbor was making noise. The murder trial started yesterday. Earplugs are much safer and more effective than firearms.As for the people at the door, I put a sign on mine that says “NIGHT SHIFT WORKERS. WE SLEEP DAYS! PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB”. Seems to have worked — I actually work at home and really don't like being interrupted by salesmen.

    As for the phone, get an answering machine and turn off the ringer when you want to sleep. Don't worry about missing a really important call — if it's that important, they'll find some other way to reach you if you don't answer.

  6. here in america, it seems that the only reason to have a “land line” in your home is to recieve sales calls. friends and co-workers are pretty well trained to just call the cell. hmmm wonder why i still pay the huge bill to have that wired phone….?marklw

    ps. really enjoy your blog!

  7. I got on the “do not call” list, available somewhere or the on the net I believe, and have received a total of 3 sales calls in the last 3 months. One of the callers is currently being prosecuted. But I live in Minnesota so your milage may vary. As for the door knockers there is a rule in America involving the posting of a “no soliciting” sign but iirc in the UK solicitors are lawyers rather than door-to-door salesman so I don't know. There should be something though

  8. Don't do it Tom; if you put a sign on your door telling everyone your flat is empty at night you'll probably come back to find all your stuff gone and people sitting in your living room injecting smack.

  9. I just so *happen* to have a machete near my front door (well you would too if you lived where I lived). Perhaps a little fake blood on it would make an equally appealing sight for door to door salesmen, or religious bods.Of course, if I'm actually awake I can have some fun with the religious types…

  10. Yep, my personal belief is that I need to make my door as boring as possible, that way it will not stand out when someone wants to kick it down and nick all my stuff. The doors in my block are easy to kick down, I've kicked one down myself, and criminals will do this in the middle of the night – it's why I have various bits of weaponry around my flat.Of course, I did nearly stab my mum when she dropped in uninvited…

  11. Sleep and rest: The least understood requirement for a healthy life. Oh ! yes rems, eye blinks, theta's and EEG's be counted, the mosted needed portion of health recouvery is of much higher requirement than most pills. Tis the greatest weapon in a doctors array of medicines in his little Gladstone bag.It was rumoured [I never tested the truth of it], 'Twas the only time a Squaddy could use one punch to the duty Officer's gob, When he shouted in yer lug hole before Reveille sounded, sounded good but there wern't any video to prove ye case. So it was a catch as catch can. 'Twas a nice way to get another posting. Dung beetle.

    Sleep tight.

  12. small children are the worst – your own of course, i haven't come across the earplugs that can keep a small determined four year old from wakening you, and how difficult is it not to waken like the furies, pleading for just a couple of hours of uninterrupted sleep?annette

  13. Ooops – yeah, funnily enough, just had my first-ever pre-recorded telesales call, which means TPS can go and DO THEM HARD. So I wondered why I got the Transport something society…

  14. So did I, funnily enough, although I have been registered with the TPS for yonks. At 20:02, “Jonathan Simmons” (caller number withheld) could be heard telling me that I had won a cruise. I put the phone down.Rachel


  15. If you have enough information (number called from, names, time, and in the case of junk fax the fax itself), you can send all that off to the TPS, and they – I hope and trust – come down like a ton of bricks on the offender.Rachel


  16. I know a guy who has made a truly indecently large amount of money on junk fax lawsuits. He keeps a fax machine on a spare phone line used for nothing else and gives the number to no one. Anyone who faxes it gets sued or something, I'm hazy on the details, but again, this is America.

  17. A-ha! Reason number 4732 not to have children, although some ambulance bods work their way around it, for example MacMedic.And if earplugs don't work, how about handcuffs and a gag? On the child that is, not yourself (unless you are 'into' those sorts of things).

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